Apologize
Is it too late for Seto to apologize? Based on the song Apologize by Timbaland feat One Republic.
I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
Wow. For the first time, Seto was late for work. It was already 7am, and he was just running down the stairs, passing by Yami as he hurried down the marble wonder. “Yami, I’m late, see you tonight,” he gave Yami a chaste kiss on the lips as he put Yami’s bangs behind his ear. “Take care of Mokuba, I love you,” and he went off.
Yami stood there as it happened. He didn’t even get to kiss him deeply. What was it with Seto these days? Why was it so difficult for him to stay home and spend time with him and his son? Yami thought Seto hadn’t even shook Mokuba out of bed a little and had told him he was already going to leave. Because if he did, he would be carrying Mokuba in his arms with the little boy waving goodbye to his father, asking Yami when he will be able to play with him again. Of course, Yami couldn’t answer that.
Mokuba came running down the hall, still in his pajamas, crying. “Papa! Papa!” he yelled. Yami felt sad for the boy and picked him up. Apparently he had heard the car leave the manor grounds, and woke up. “I want Papa!” at five, he knew exactly where his father was going, and that he wasn’t coming back for a while.
“Shush,” he told the boy, kissing his forehead. “Papa’ll be back. Just not for a little while,” he went back up the stairs. “Now, let’s take a bath before breakfast,” he thought, maybe if he played with Mokuba in the tub, it’d calm him down a bit. The boy nodded and hugged Yami by the neck, resting his head on Yami’s shoulder.
He entered Mokuba’s room and proceeded to the bathroom, putting him down on the floor and undressing him. “When will Papa be back, Oniichan?” Mokuba asked him as he watched Yami throw his pajamas in the hamper.
Yami caressed Mokuba’s face, giving him a gentle smile. “I don’t know, baby, but he’ll he back soon, and you might not know, he’ll play with you when he comes back,” he had once again put false hope in Mokuba’s heart. He didn’t mean to, but it was the only way he could get the boy to calm down.
Mokuba nodded and got in the tub as Yami filled it with warm water. “You go put the bubbles in, honey,” Yami smiled at him. He knew Mokuba loved it when he let him put the bubbles in.
“R-really!?” Yami nodded. Mokuba grabbed the liquid soap bottle from the tub sill and poured an amount in the water, and he let it foam. “Oniichan, how come Papa doesn’t come and play with me in the bath anymore?” the boy had once again brought up a subject that Yami didn’t like. It wasn’t Mokuba’s fault that he notices the things his father doesn’t do with him anymore.
“Well,” Yami tried to think of a good reason as he tied the rope of this bathrobe around his waist, and as he pulled his hair into a messy ponytail. He rolled up his sleeves and sat down the on the tub sill, behind Mokuba. “Maybe because he’s too busy with work,” he let Mokuba go in to wet his hair.
“Oh,” was all that Mokuba said. “But, why?”
Yami shampooed Mokuba’s thick, long hair. “Because, Mokuba, work, brings in money, and money is what we need to eat, and live, and if Papa stopped working, he wouldn’t have been able to buy you your toys,”
“But…but…”
“In the water, baby,” Mokuba went in the water and rinsed the shampoo off. “But what, honey?” Yami asked, wondering what Mokuba was supposed to say before he told him to go in the water.
“If working means money, and if money makes me get more toys,” Mokuba started to cry. “Then I’d give up all of my toys for Papa to come home and stay with us!”
Yami quickly threw his arms around him, also starting to cry himself. “Shush, baby, shush,” Yami had the boy’s small head in one of his hands. If only Seto heard what Mokuba had just said. He let go. “Later, we’re going to ride your favourite horse, ok? And we’re going to play, ok?” he said, trying to change the subject, and trying to thinking of more activities that would take Seto off of Mokuba’s mind.
Mokuba nodded, knowing deep in his mind that he wasn’t excited about riding his favourite horse today at all. After that bath, Mokuba ate breakfast, already in his horseback riding outfit, waiting for Yami to come down and join him. Yami entered the dining hall also dressed up for the activity. Mokuba finished his juice and ran for him, out into the estates. Servants had their horse ready, with Isono, and another bodyguard already mounted on their black horses, waiting for them.
Yami picked Mokuba up so he could see his white horse. “How are you today, Ryuu?” (1) he hugged the horse, and the animal gave back the love the boy gave. “Will you let us ride you today?” the horse made a sound, telling Mokuba that his answer was ‘yes,’. Mokuba smiled and gave the horse another hug before letting Yami put him down, and mount the horse himself.
“Careful, baby,” said Yami, mounting Ryuu as well. “Ikuzo, Ryuu,” (Trans: Let’s go, Ryuu.) The horse ran, sensing that Yami had wanted him to run, and run until he was tired.
“Follow Yami-sama and Mokuba-sama!” said Isono, and they galloped away behind them.
A few minutes into the ride, deep in the small forest in the Kaiba Property, Yami heard Mokuba whimpering quietly as he held onto Ryuu’s mane. “Whoa, Ryuu,” the horse stopped, and Yami brought them under a tree, into the shade. “What’s the matter, baby?” he asked him.
“I-it’s because…Papa used to…ride Ryuu…with me…” he said in between sobs, and hugged the horse by the neck. “You miss Papa…too…don’t you…Ryuu?” he asked the animal, believing that the horse will reply.
Isono and the other bodyguard stopped a few yards away. “Yami-sama? Are we going back to within the manor’s vicinity?” he had never seen Mokuba cry so hard. Oh yeah, he had seen him cry because of a cut on his knee, but this was no cut.
Yami looked back at him and nodded. “You wanna go home, baby?”
Mokuba let go of the horse’s neck. “Nuh-uh,” Mokuba wiped his tears away. “I wanna ride Ryuu some more,”
“Okay,” Yami kissed his little head and had Ryuu run into the forest once more.
Isono didn’t order his partner to follow them. At least not yet. “Have you ever seen Mokuba cry like that?” he asked him.
“No, and it kinda crushes me seeing him like that,”
“Yeah, me, too,” he galloped away, and his partner rode after him.
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
That day certainly took a lot of Mokuba. And it also took a lot out of him, too. He lit the fireplace and had another rob over his blue pajamas. Yami sighed as he sat down on one of the sofas, putting his arms around himself.
Earlier that night.
“Hey, Oniichan, I know what I wanna be!” Mokuba went in the covers, exited that Yami was about to tuck him in. “I know what I wanna be!” he repeated, waiting for Yami to ask what he wanted to be.
“Okay,” Yami sat on the edge of the bed, handing Mokuba his glass of milk. “What do you want to be?” he dimmed the lights to a sleepy atmosphere. “Does it have anything to do with me?”
Mokuba finished the milk, leaving a white mustache on his upper lip, and he wiped it off with the sleeve of his Superman pajamas. “Uh-huh!” he gave back the glass to Yami. “I wanna be like you! A doctor!”
Yami put the glass down on the side drawer. “Why is that, Mokuba? You want to help people in the hospital?”
“Well, I wanna help people in the hospital, too! But there’s something I wanna do with the thing that doctors put around their necks and ears! Like yours!” he said, pointing to his neck and motioning his hands on his ears, as if he was going to put on headphones.
“Stethoscope?” Yami put out his spare out of Mokuba’s drawer.
“Yeah!”
“What would you want to do with that?” Yami was happy that Mokuba wanted to become a doctor. Like he was. He handed Mokuba the stethoscope and Mokuba wore it. Mokuba put it on top of Yami’s chest. “What do you hear, honey?” Yami asked, amused. The boy just looked so cute.
“Your heart!” Mokuba exclaimed.
“What does it say?”
“It says…” Mokuba looked up at him. “That you and Papa love me,”
A servant came in with a mug of hot chocolate for him to drink. “Would you desire anything else, Yami-sama?” the servant asked, putting down the mug on the coffee table.
“No, this will be all, thank you,” he said, taking the mug. The servant bowed and left. Yami stared at the fireplace, watching the fire and the burning wood. It somehow…calmed him. “Seto,” he sipped the chocolate. “You’re missing your fatherhood, one of the most exciting part of it,”
It says…that Papa and you love me!
He never knew Mokuba could think that deep. Mokuba was now about to turn six. And he was wondering what he should get him. No. He should wonder if Seto will remember Mokuba’s birthday. With everything that he was doing it was apparent that he doesn’t look at the calendar anymore. He wouldn’t be surprised if his secretary was the one who sent the gift for him. Seto was now completely oblivious to what was happening to his son. What his son was doing. What Yami was doing. Where they went, how they went there.
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A few hours later, black Jaguar pulled up in front of the manor entrance, and a servant who was ordered to stay up late for the arrival of the master opened the door, and parked the car in one of the garages.
Seto entered the mansion as he loosened his tie. He noticed light coming from the doors of the living room. He opened the white doors, and saw his lover on the sofa, sleeping, with an angelic look on his face. “Must’ve waited for me,” he carried him in a bridal fashion, gently and carefully so he wouldn’t wake him up.
As he went up the stairs, he heard Yami whisper something in his sleep. It was a whisper, but he heard it clearly. “Seto…your heart…says…you love me…” Seto, shocked, stopped walking. “I love you, too, Yami,” he kissed Yami’s forehead and brought him to their room.
Seto lay him on the bed and took off the robe. He stared at the body lying on the bed. So vulnerable. Seto had wanted to touch him. Touch him. Touch him everywhere. Feel his body against his.
Wait.
When was the last time they had sex?
Seto sighed. He couldn’t possibly wake him up. Besides, Yami never woke him up in the middle of the night just so they could have sex. He started to take off his clothes, and got in a hot bath. Maybe…if he went home earlier…he could catch Yami awake, then have sex.
“What am I thinking?!” he asked himself, annoyed. “Dammit, why am I having such dirty thoughts?!” he went in the tub. “Is that all I think of him?!”
After half an hour of soaking, he changed into something comfortable and went to bed.
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Yami fluttered his eyes open, and realized he was in Seto’s room. He quickly rolled over, thinking Seto was still asleep beside him. But he was wrong. The other side of the bed was empty. Only a pillow filling Seto’s place. And on that pillow, was a note. Yami grabbed it, and saw Seto’s neat handwriting, in kanji and in hiragana characters.
Ore no kokoro wa aishiteru iimasu. (Trans: My heart says I love you.)
“Wh-what?” Yami felt his heart skip a beat.
“ONIICHAN!!” Mokuba burst through the chamber doors, and jumped on Yami on the bed, still in his pajamas. “Ohayou gozaimasu, Oniichan!”
“Hey, baby,” Yami hugged him.
“You think Ryuu’ll let us ride him again?” Mokuba said excitedly. “You think?”
“Of course,”
“Oniichan! Dress up and let’s ride Ryuu!” Mokuba ran out, and Yami knew he already going down for breakfast.
What made Mokuba so energetic today? When yesterday all he did was cry? Yami was about to find out. He got out of bed and put his robe on, headed for Mokuba’s room. He knew it. Like him, Seto left a note. He picked it up and read it. Only, Mokuba’s note was more of hiragana than kanji, since the boy hasn’t studied much of it yet.
We’ll ride Ryuu together soon, son. Love, Papa.
Yami couldn’t do anything but smile.
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But that's nothing new
But Yami realized those notes, were lies. It’s been a month, and Seto still hadn’t gone horseback riding with Mokuba. At that time, Yami was certain Seto was just out late, and out early because of work. He knew that Seto was designing and was working on. He saw the designs himself, and the model in Seto’s office in the mansion.
Right now, he really didn’t have anything to do, since it was seven in the evening, and Mokuba was playing his consoles. So, for the sake of his boredom, he went in Seto’s office, and heard his laptop sending a sound through the walls of the room. He sat down on the chair, and took the laptop out of its screensaver, and saw that Seto had new messages, and the messages were already displayed on the screen.
Let’s meet later at the Starbucks near Kaiba Corp. Monday, 2:56 pm; 5/12/08
We can arrange something today at eleven. Thursday, 8:29 am; 5/22/08
Coffee at three? Starbucks near Kaiba Corp, ok? Friday, 1:06 pm; 6/6/08
And other messages sent on previous dates. Yami felt like his heart was being torn to pieces. Seto was seeing someone else. He ran to the master’s bedroom, and cried his heart out.
Mokuba heard his cries, and stopped playing his consoles and took a look at what Yami was crying about. “Oniichan?” he opened the door, and saw Yami in the balcony, hugging a pillow to catch his tears. Mokuba gasped, and ran to him. “Oniichan! Why are you crying?”
Yami let go of the pillow and threw his arms around the boy. “Baby…your papa…doesn’t love me…anymore…” he said in between sobs.
Mokuba had Yami let go of him. “No! You’re lying!” he said, “Papa does love you! And he’ll make you my mommy!” he started to cry. “You’re lying! Papa does love you! He does! He does!”
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say sorry like an angel,
Heaven’s not the thing for you,
But I'm afraid
Seto went in his room, putting down his phone and keys on the desk as he loosened his tie. He saw Yami in the balcony, in his robe. “You’re still up? It’s 11pm,” he said, approaching him, and putting his arms around Yami’s waist, and his head in his hair.
Yami didn’t move. He didn’t touch Seto’s hands, or make him hug him tighter. He had Seto let go of him, and went back in the room, tears falling down his face, one by one.
“Yami? What’s wrong, love?” Seto asked him, following him into the room. Yami faced him. Seto saw the tears. “Yami?”
“Do you love me?” Yami asked straightforwardly.
“What’s this about all of a sudden-”
“Do you love me?!” he repeated.
“Of course I love you!” Seto tried to pull him into a hug.
“Let go of me,” Yami brushed Seto away.
“What’s the matter, Yami?”
“You’re the matter!” Yami snapped.
“Me? Why me? I didn’t even do anything!”
“Yes, you did!”
“Then tell me!”
Yami didn’t want to answer. “You make me feel like you don’t love me anymore…”
“What? Yami, you know I love you! More than my life! I love you and Mokie!” he reasoned out.
“If you do love me, then why won’t you stay home and spend time with me and your son?! You make me feel like I live with a ghost! You leave at five you come home at ten or eleven; I barely get to see you! I can’t even remember the last time we had sex!” he sobbed. “Seto…I’ve know you for seven years…four of them I’m in a relationship with you and three of them I’ve lived with you,” he continued. “When I started living with you I loved you to the tip of my hair. Right now, I feel like it’s only up to my neck,” (2)
“No, Yami, don’t do this to me,” he tried to pull Yami into another hug. Was he that much of a jerk? Tears started to fall from his sea blue eyes.
Yami once again brushed him away. “To tell you the truth, I feel like you don’t have any intention of marrying me at all,” he admitted, his voice lowering down. “Your son. He notices your absence. Do you know what he told me? Do you? He wanted to become a doctor like me so he could get the chance to listen to your heart! To listen to your heart say that you love him! I told him why you were gone all the time. He said, ‘If working means money, and if money makes me get more toys, then I’d give up all of my toys for Papa to come home and stay with us!’”
“Mokuba…”
“I love you Seto, but I don’t think I can be with you anymore,” Yami turned his back, facing the door.
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Seto once again hugged him from behind, kissing him on the neck. “I’m sorry, baby, I’ll make it up to you, please just don’t do this to me, I love you!”
Yami turned around, having Seto let go of him. “It’s too late to apologize, Seto, it’s too late,”
“NO!” it was Mokuba, who opened the door. He ran to him, hugging him by the leg. “If Oniichan leaves, I’m going with Oniichan!”
Yami picked the boy up and put him on the bed. “Seto, if you’re seeing someone else, I don’t care anymore. I love you and all, but this will never work out. It did at first, but I think it never will, I’m leaving, Seto,”
“No, please, Yami, please don’t do this to me!” he didn’t know how many times he had already said that. “I love you! I love you and Mokuba both! And I’m not seeing someone else!”
Yami took off his robe, revealing that he already had gotten ready to leave. “I love you, Seto, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me from leaving you,”
I'm holding your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...
Seto felt like he wanted to die the following day. He hadn’t eaten since last night, and he won’t come out of his room. Mokuba had been crying, and wouldn’t listen to his servants.
Isono had the courage to talk to Seto though. “Seto-sama?” he opened the door.
“Go the ******** away, Isono, I don’t wanna talk,” Seto pulled his blanket, and didn’t face him.
“Sir, Yami-sama’s lawyer called,”
Seto sat up. “What?”
“Sir, Yami-sama committed suicide in his Villa Condominium last night,” (3)
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(1) ‘Ryuu,’ means Dragon, the horse is originally Seto’s.
(2) You might think four plus three is seven. Uh. No. They’ve known each other for seven years, two of them they’ve been friends, after that, four years in a relationship, and three of those four years they’re living together. Seto had Mokuba with someone else.
(3) I was thinking… I'm holding your rope got me ten feet off the ground well, hanging one’s self.
Thanks to Asakura Riku and Daniel, close friends of mine, for helping me complete this fanfic. Sorry for the crappy ending. This songfic challenged me. and it was pretty damn hard one.
Lt Honeybee Community Member 
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