lol well this is as good a place as any to vent.. it is either that or xanga and i don't feel like leaving gaia.. anyway.. basically i went to the beach this past weekend and on my way down i was like "enough is enough of this crap" so i have decided in order to stop being so depressed and junk i am going to be who i was a long time ago.. before my first b/f... before my new friends.. i was independent in high school and didn't need people.. i don't know how well this "new me" is going to work out but i am certainly sure i am sick of being how i am right now.. well .. that is all .. oh and i got the new fruits basket cd *sighs happily* .. it is SOO good infact .. between that .. trust company and the mixed cd from pat.. i don't listen to much else (oh and i haven't gotten the celtic women cd yet)
- i talked to andy on the phone last night.. it was if i knew him forever that voice just was as if he was next to me talking.. so sad it had to end.. i could have talked to him forever.. friends forever.. i am just where i can't be seen ..
~ alright as an update i don't know how this whole not being depressed thing is going to work.. i just lost yet another friend.. choices are made.. unfortunate decisions.. but as this decision is made it also requires me to leave both guilds i am in.. on gaia and neopets.. anyway 3nodding just wanted to wish everyone well
* i keep updating this one post right now cuz of people seeing me leaving the guild and things.. i am listening to this song "you raise me up" .. it is so pretty.. it is either this or fruits basket.. anyway it keeps me sane.. i think singing is really all i have to myself right now.. between everyone going back to school i am kinda feeling more alone than ever.. and i know my job isn't the greatest.. and guys right now.. well lets just say i can see a flaw in everyone.. and right now guys aren't proving to me they are worth the effort.. that is why i have to keep telling everyone i don't want anyone.. i may be afraid of being alone.. but i need my peace of mind too.. i don't understand it.. my friends and i sat around thinking if we have changed since high school.. no one saw a change in me but i know i have changed greatly.. i don't understand life anymore.. i scared myself the other day.. i was behind a big 18 wheeler .. and i saw his brake lights but my body didn't want to stop.. i wondered what if .. just what if i wouldn't keep going.. is it worth it to stop.. i scared myself badly.. i never want to think anything like that.. i never want to end my life even if it is complicated.. i don't know where to turn.. so i am going in circles
Melena Rai Community Member 
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Community Member