ok here is where the excitment starts so dont get lost. mmk. 1,2,3...GO
mmk so today at school i had animal crackers for lunch. because they are awesome. also i have become undyingly jelous of people with huge problems. i mean their lives are so exciting. so i pretend i have some big issue i cant talk about. but i dont. i mean yes, i am a horrible person, but my only problems are that i have 110 fears and that i i possably have ADHD *but who doesnt have ADHD these days?* i have also started to feel...idk..."disconnected"? from charles. i mean he doesnt ever really talk..i mean he talks....but not talks ok i am even confusing myself here..ok i guess what i am trying to say is i think when charles says "i love you too" its just words. i dont feel like he means it. which i mean if he isnt ready to say it, its ok, but it hurts that he might just be saying it. i have also found out that almost everything he has told me about him is a lie. and i feel like he cant trust me or something. i also know he isnt happy. not anywhere near it. and...just seeing the pain in his eye...its...idk...driving me crazy. i hate to see him hurt. and i feel like i cant help him at all. with anything. like he doesnt really have a reason to be with me. my sister is even agreeing that i am in love. and yes im scared. and personally i hate it. i am afraid of commiting. everytime i got close to a guy i have dumped him. and i just dont want to let him go, but i am starting to think it would be best for him. no matter how much it would kill me inside. i also foundout that when he was camping in arizonia with his family they got in a big fight, he wanted to run away, so he called shannon *his gf at the time* and im jelous of her. becuase now he is in a fight. and he doesnt...idk want comfort from me. i know its all just so stupid. sometimes i wonder why i even go out with people. i always end up hurting them or getting myself hurt. heck i still havent healed from andy. and that was well over 6 months ago. im hopless
 Retroactive N e r d · Tue Feb 26, 2008 @ 09:32pm · 0 Comments |
