My week has been crazy. My whole being has been tense and off kilter. I want to run and hide but i know i'm well beyond that. Most of the time anyway. There's a guy at work who for reasons that are well beyond me, I just get stressed out. He really makes my skin just crawl. I had a moment where I just wanted to bolt when this guy touched me.... I have been doing REALLY well with that lately. A great friend of mine has reminded me that it's ok to have these feelings and to take heed of them. She described the feeling as being the "ichys yuckies bluckies." She's great.
I woke up this morning to reallize that the constant music that fills my whole being has suddenly just died.... I think it happened somtime in the last week and that's part of my problem. I'm just completely empty again. I shouldn't be feeling this way but I am... It's not something I'm accustomed to... Not after the last 6 months. I've been playing music obssesivly all morning. I almost feel as though if I don't I'm going to just stop being. The silence is getting to me... I have to go to work in lest then a half hour and I'm frightened of leaving the safty of my house with the sounds that bring comfort to me. Violins and strings and voices all weaving together I'm not sure how this day will progress.
I survived work. I have only to make it through tomorrow and church. I don't know what i'm going to do. Am I going to be able to sit still and focus properly? I'm not sure... I'm getting antsy sitting here at my computer so i think i'm going to head out of the room and go shower and watch some late night tv. At least untill i pass out from total exhaustion... who knows how long thta will take... good night all
I also plan on making a quilt or three... here in the next few months.... I just have to choose the RIGHT materials... I don't know why these things do this to me!!
Kristinamjs Community Member 
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