Well, tomorrows the 23rd. ::Gives off an emotionless woo hoo:: Ugh this isn't right. ::Bangs head on desk before just laying there motionless.:: Something's wrong and I dunno what it is. Dunno if it's my fault, dunno if it's circumstance but I dun like it. It's like trying to be happy but no matter what you do, you can't. There's something there in the back of your mind dragging you down and you have no idea what it is. Yah, typical for teenagers right? That part I know but I'm usually back out of it by now and doing stupid s**t. Can't write, can't draw, can't think, eat or sleep. It's like doing nothing but sitting and staring all day and it's annoying.
Funny though because I talked to dad and he actually seemed worried about me. Maybe he has reason to be. He thinks the doctors are dumbasses and doesn't think it's something that I'll "grow out of" but I dunno. Don't care anymore. It's not like I won't live through it, happened enough so I shouldn't even have thoughts of not anymore.
There are thoughts though, strange things that I don't like very much and never have. Suicidal sorts at times. Mostly when I'm at dad's and when Lori's around and it scares me a bit. Kinda like someone's pissed off or something and plants thoughts in people's minds so it's taken out on me, something along those lines. Even when dad's drunk and passed out in my bed. Like when I sleep there's something there and, I dunno. Probably just something in my mind that I'm making up to have something to blame. That's logical right? I mean, I dunno, maybe it's not just me, there have been physical things. The marks, the doors, things in general but it's just so weird. Something's not right somewhere, not even here anymore.
Things have been happening here. Weird things. Like the light's been acting up again and none of the others are, and just...voices and things moving. Little things, sort of like a stalker would do to make a person think that maybe it was there but maybe it wasn't. Can't sleep anymore, not without dreams of a different sort. Either I'm dead and at dad's house or killed some other way which often doesn't bother me but the other ones just...they're real sort of. Like I'm awake but I'm not and there's someone there talking and talking and doing things but there's no one. And when I wake up there's no one there but the things that were moved are moved when I wake and the things that I remember or could understand are true and happen.
I dunno, it's just annoying. Think this entirely unsafe feeling's starting to get to me or something. No rest isn't helping any I know but..whatever. Worse than this has happened so surely I'll get over it eventually.
Vincerus Community Member 
|
|
