• I've lost it.
    All grip on my sanity is gone.

    I sat in the bathroom last night,
    My favourite knife gripped lovingly in my left hand.
    I ran it smoothly over my hip several times.

    It went deeper,
    Deeper than it ever has.
    Deeper than I intended it to,
    But I enjoyed it more than ever.

    I saw my blood bead over the gashes.
    Slowly it started to trickle.
    It was such an amazing sight,
    So beautiful.
    I chuckled happily to myself.

    I wanted more.
    I wanted it to flow faster.
    I frantically pressed my knife deeper,
    Smiling and laughing.
    I thought about the tub of warm water then.
    My blood would be so pretty swirling in the clear water.

    I suddenly stopped.
    I threw my knife into the sink and wept.
    All I could do was mumble apologies and weep.
    My weeps turned to sobs.
    I began to rock back and forth.
    I wanted it to end.
    I realized, with those knife strokes I lost myself.

    I lost my sanity.
    It died in the bathroom,
    When I shed my blood.
    When I allowed myself to slip away.
    I miss my sanity so much.