wolf

• Artist: fire_fingers360
• Description: poem about wolves
• Date: 12/15/2011
• Tags: wolf hunting

large dark eyes look from the shadow
teeth gleeming in the moon
a low growl permeates the silence
a lone rabbit lifts its head in fear
it heart pounding
its eyes wild with dread
rustle
rustle
screeeeee
silence
the life drains out of the rabbits eyes.
the wolfs hunt is over

Comments

[Slinkenhofer]

Too short, and too abrupt.
Don't be afraid to put in detail, don't tell the reader what happened; show them. "Instead of "Large dark eyes look from the shadow," try something like, "Feral orbs hanging, / Their snarling teeth glowing in the moonlight." Paint an image; let your reader's imagination have some fun with your words.