The M A N

• Artist: Tyki Joyd Mikk
• Description: I wrote this with preforming it at a slam in mind. I came up with the first two lines and rolled with it. The "man" is a public figure, g-d, or whoever you might consider "him". Poetry (to be) is not about explaining every detail but saying a lot in a few words ^^
• Date: 04/18/2011
• Tags: anime poetry slam snap clap

Hey I'm not good at insulting
But I'm good at revolting
against the man
Because he is just a figment of your imagination
A creation
that was made to give us all a scare
well that ain't fair
I don't see why we need to be ruled by whats not there
Understand this
its my fist
which I punch right into his imaginary head
because you keep waking your bed
thinking he is real
well feel
this!
HE IS JUST A CREATION OF THE GENERAL PUBLICS IMAGINATION
You following me?
Why can't you see?
He doesn't know what to do
Or whats going on or how to fix it
So listen to me so you
Don't go with the crowd
Because this gunna get loud
I've got a message for the GENERAL PUBLIC
The way you guys follow him is just making me sick
Why cant you pick
Your leaders better
Like one that's real?
Because "the man"
HE IS JUST A CREATION OF THE GENERAL PUBLICSS IMAGINATION

Comments

[SilvertongueSagittarius]

Alright, on to the poem. From one slam poet to another. It feels like you sacrificed a lot of meaning for rhyme and audience manipulation. Now, it's an easy habit to fall into, so watch that.

[SilvertongueSagittarius]

Also, if you can, avoid weak rhymes like "Bed/Head" If you wanna do that couplet, go for it, but add a couple more lines with some compound complex rhyming in em. "Invented/ rented/ consented/ went to tread/ meant to be read" all possible rhyme choices I feel you kinda looked over. This piece has potential,

[SilvertongueSagittarius]

Im not even gonna address the poem in this one. Im gonna discuss your description: a- Did you really just explain who "then man" was? b- you arent very rebellious if you cant say "God" in a derogatory fashion without taking out the "o" c- Poetry can be about explaining details d- If you meant "to me" instead of "to be" please ignore "c"