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So This Is It.
There you were a little boy,
Making smiles, solving toys.
And I'm over there your insignificant girl
Not knowing you'd later be my world.
Time passes and in second grade
I leave you there, turn a new page.
My parents say it's your mom's fault.
That teacher Could make pencils melt.
And now we nine years later meet
you make my palms sweat, more heart beats.
We soon make friends and become ones too.
Me from public, and you from private school.
Fascinated into your eyes I look.
Across the desks, above your book.
Could this be the son of the teacher from Hell?
Were my parents wrong? Did she mean well?
Regardless of the questions unasked
I chase after you, begin my task.
But truth is unspoken, left in memory.
A topic avoided-did you remember me?
And as with friends to movies we go
What are we scared that the other should know?
Surely you've dodged the topic enough.
But so have I. This honesty's tough.
Alas, I fear we'll never know
our silent fears, Our whispered woes.
Because, as this is our grad year
It's you saying goodbye, to get out of here.
So God bless,
Make your way out of this little town
And study your heart out,
Till in school work you drown.
You might have followed dreams
And not have left home so quick.
Cause now you're life's passing by
And I'm left out of it.
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- Title: So This Is It
- Artist: viper_353
- Description: So this is a cheesy 15-minute love poem I decided to write. I never do this kind of writing, so it's new to me and right now sucks!!! :) It'd love to hear from you guys on how to improve, so please comment if you have time and definatley rate!! (High please???) Thanks, you guys are awesome. :D
- Date: 01/21/2011
- Tags: boys goodbye love rhyme cheesy
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Wurlee - 03/02/2011
- Heeey:] I really like this one :3 it tells a great story, and the fact that it's about a true story makes it even better 5/5
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- viper_353 - 01/24/2011
- Hah, yeah good advice!! This is the first poem I've written to actually TRY and rhyme, so I'm probably a little behind everyone else in that area. Thanks for the help!!
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- vardofive - 01/24/2011
- Poetry doesn't have to rhyme and sometimes the rhyming can make it sound cheezmo. The sentiment is good but don't reach for the rhymes.
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- viper_353 - 01/22/2011
- Haa, I'm so opposite to you!! A lot of my poems are made from lines off of scraps of paper I write like weeks apart. I'm not good at the whole spontaneously writing out what I feel thing.....which was what I tried to do with this one!! Thanks. I wanted to get across in that last line that where I had left as a kid he's now the one leaving. But I'm not sure I did enough (or any) building toward that before. I think I should probably hint more toward that.
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- Stormgem - 01/22/2011
- This is good. To be my usual 'Captain Obvious' self....I like the fact that it tells a decent story. If this is 15 minutes worth of work - you deserve a medal. The last line is slightly heart wrenching after reading the full poem. Good job - because I normally just stab in the dark and write what I'm feeling/thinking I can't really offer any constructive criticism because it would be useless....plus nothing needs changing.
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