Pome

• Artist: Xxj3553k1ttyXx
• Description: This is a pome I wrote a while back and then rewrote it wording it a little differently.
• Date: 12/09/2010
• Tags: pome

~Never Ending Love~

I lay here thinking whatever it was I had done that was so wrong
We use to be so happy together, but then one day you were gone
Now I lay here thoughts through running through my head
I get a letter in the mail and it said that you were dead
My heart breaks inside my chest
I was devastated
Now you find me here hanging by a rope
You look at my face and it is as if you had lost all hope
You yell in suprize then grip your hands into fist so tight that your kunckles turn white
You begin to shake as you fall to your knees
You begin to weap as you weeze your breath coming out ragged
You try to look away, but you can't no matter how much you may try
Then years later you actually die
People come and find your body laying there on the ground
They see you gripping a picture of me in one hand
And in the other they see a knife
You and your blood-staind shirt struck horror into their hearts
But, what they didn't realize is that you were smiling
You were smiling because you saw my face
Just as you took your last breath
And know you know that we shall never part again
And be together forever and ever in the sperit world

Comments

[ChelseasDeadSmile]

I agree with Scarlet, I nearly couldn't get through it because there were grammatical errors, spelling errors, no flow to it whatsoever, and no rhyme. It was like you were calling this a poem even though it read more like a fast-paced story.
2/5 Needs major revision.

[Xxj3553k1ttyXx]

Okay thank you I shall do that

[ScarletNguyen]

you spelled "poem" wrong...
and there are a lot other mistakes as well..
this poem doesn't have a flow to it nor a rhythm
no offense but this is very poorly written..you should really read it over again carefully, find your own mistakes and edit them
i give a 2/5 stars