To Leave My Sonnet

• Artist: Creative Carrah
• Description: We are writing sonnets in English class.. I started Mine ahead of time, my teacher was pretty Impressed but I am not. Could you find synonyms or help me with changing some words(except the last one in each sentence) to make it more interesting. Each line must have only 10 syllables. and there is a rhythm if you say this correctly :)
• Date: 11/01/2010
• Tags: leave sonnet

To Leave My Sonnet

I wished for that one special loving day
In which I would no longer have to wait
Where I could skip and run to him to play
Within the fortress of the snowy gates.

We'd laugh all day and slowly take a rest
Holding hands and watching the snow sunset
We'd go inside and sit upon the chest
And watch a movie where two people met.

But it was time to leave my lovers side
I hid my face to hide my watery eyes
I could not bear to leave the sweetest ride
My head was filled with one question "why?"

My car vanished into the lonely night
All to do was watch him fade out of sight.

-Yuki Minamori(Carrah)

Comments

[Creative Carrah]

lol i changed the entire thing almost. and it would be off tempo if i added y to snow only because i'd have 1 too many syllables

[OtherwiseDevine]

This part was annoying me "Holding hands and watching the snow sunset: maybe if you say snowy instead of snow ? But all in all I like it smile 4/5 .