BETRAYAL

• Artist: nailpolish23
• Description: This is something I made when I'm alone in my room. Hope you liked it somehow.
  Please be honest in your reactions.
• Date: 10/09/2010
• Tags: betrayal

BETRAYAL

In your eyes,
I got lost,
In your heart,
I found love,
As a friend,
You are so dear,

All the times we were together,
A love we thought would last forever,
All the memories forgotten,
Even though you don't listen.

Love I once felt,
In your eyes I would melt,
Your love is gone,
The pain is here from now on.

Comments

[taylor123tg]

This is amazing!

[Delightful_Indigo]

I kinda liked it. I kinda painted a picture in my head but as keep reading it faded out until thte last two lines. I think that there was something missing though. You should have added more details in the middle though otherwise it was pretty good. I write most of my poems at home to. Some I made back in elementry but hey aren't nessasary toddler type I was pretty good for my age back then. I don't post my poems case it costs gaia and im saving. BTW this poem is now one of my favs. Nice! 4/5

[nailpolish23]

thanks. i posted that because i got bored in my room and started making poems. i agree, there is something missing. i try to make better poems next time

[NakedJack]

It's not, poetic, except for rhymes. The last 2 lines slapped onto the end, to turn this into a betrayal poem, do not call for all that build up. It needs a grander ending, something powerful. 'All the times we were together' 'All the memories forgotten', why do you start those lines with 'All'? I guess I could assume you mean they are lost, but why would you mention the memories forgotten? Your syntax doesn't give you enough credit for all the leaps you make.