Shattered Sanctuary

• Artist: Deadlylight6
• Description: of all the poems i write, this is one of the very few that i tried to use old english. since its of the few, im still new at using old english, so please tell me if i used it correctly or not and how to fix. the poem here tells of how i once felt in my painful past. but some things are better now, some can never be
• Date: 10/03/2010
• Tags: shattered sanctuary

I used to have dreams,
Used to have hopes...

But look now...
A pool dost spread 'neath thy feet.
My soul drains thyself from its now useless cage,
Never to return.
Back to the celestrial plane it leaves.

With the empty shell I hath became,
Blank, barren, dead-like of a life I now take.

Casted away like rats in the larder,
For ways to keep thyself walking on,
Beaten and battered, I take my leave under unforgiving glares.

Left aside, invisible doth I become,
Alone with rumored sins I made not.

Truth I doth seek,
Truth I hath found...

Washed, cleansed 'tis be the body of soul, of hopes.
Turned by society, even those their might they give,
Thee light be covered by clouds of mind
Shalt become one of the fallen;
Lost in the shattered sanctuary of thine heart.

Comments

[CatShiit]

LOOVE ITTT!

[-DancingInTheRainDead-]

holy **** you good!!!!!!

[Deadlylight6]

it is because i am new at this that i want help, so i can understand it better. i didnt say i was good at it.

[SilvertongueSagittarius]

You have issues with tense (Became should be become) and syntax (doth I should be... anything but doth I....)

Over all, I'd stay away from Victorian if you can't use it properly