• Full Metal Jacket

    I find myself staring into the distance,
    Searching for some sort of answer amidst the chaos
    Of our Modern Warfare World War III.
    Since I was young,
    The idea of immortality has
    Amazed,
    Intrigued,
    Shocked,
    Even afraid
    Of living forever.
    Growing up I knew
    That nothing was impossible.
    I had everything in focus.
    I knew exactly what I was going to do.

    The idea came to me from my father.
    A life of glory as a soldier
    Fighting to defend
    My land
    My home
    My flag.
    Go to college and get a trade.
    Earn that signing bonus and jump into the action.

    So I did.
    I went to school for thirteen years.
    I struggled (Who didn't?)
    But in the end I got that certifigate that read 'Electrician'.
    Where do I go from there?
    By this time I had forgotten my original intentions.
    I thought about working in the local mines.

    Then it dawned on me on why I did it in the first place.
    To be a part of what my nation prides itself on.
    To continue the fight for the freedom that we hold.

    I told a friend this, who gazed at me, eyes wide.
    I'll never forget his stare when he asked me,
    "Really?"
    He got a DVD out, it was still in mint condition as if it was never opened.
    I read the title.
    Full Metal Jacket.
    "A-ha," I thought. "I know this film. I've seen snipets of it.
    Though the only quote I really know is
    'What is that? WHAT the ******** is THAT?!'"

    My friend had been in the Navy.
    He said he remembered his training,
    It was very similar to what the Physical Training was
    In this movie.
    So I bit.
    I watched the movie with him, beginning to end.

    I watched Private 'Gomer Pyle' slowly descend into a Section 8.
    I watched Corporal 'Joker' pull the mercy-killing trigger on the child sniper.
    My body was rocked to its core
    In a mixture of
    Shock.
    Awe.
    Intrigue.
    Respect.
    Yet...

    I felt a part of me die.
    These men have bigger, better, more polished
    Cast Iron Cojones
    Than I ever will.
    I can't believe that
    War was actually like that.
    For all I know,
    It probably still is.

    I can't promise anyone
    That I'll reconsider joining.
    The Army can give me a full-time job.
    Three hots and a cot.
    I know that it's a dangerous business,
    More dangerous than I'll ever know
    Unless I put on that uniform,
    Salute the flag,
    Take that rifle in my hand
    And aid my fellow Canadian citizens
    Fight for what our country cherishes the most.

    I'm glancing out the window
    Gazing over a thousand yards of Canadian country-side.
    From my hometown in Labrador City,
    Past CFB Gagetown,
    Stretching beyond Toronto.
    I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore.
    One thing I wish to apologize to
    My country for
    Is for the feeling of wanting to go,
    But chickening out at the last minute.

    This isn't Call of Duty.
    I don't get the quote from a war hero.
    I don't get to respawn fifteen feet back
    With all my grenades,
    My ammunition,
    And nary a scar.
    I get shot.
    There's a high chance I won't come back with my senses in tact.
    There's an even higher chance
    That I come home
    In a box
    Adorned with the flag I love
    To be surrounded by Family, Friends and Loved Ones.

    In advance
    I'd like to apologize
    To my fellow citizens here
    And overseas.
    I'd like to apologize
    For not having the courage you have
    For reconsidering an option I have
    That may be the best career in the world.