Who You Were

• Artist: Purple_Pearl_Girl
• Description: Just about a sweet guy who I use to think was cool until he changed. I know its a bit long but it would be cool if you could read it. Leave a comment please. Thats the only way that I can make it better. Its a poem. It comes from my heart. If you saw what happened you would know that what I say is true.
• Date: 02/18/2010
• Tags: were save week

♥ You use to be cool in my book.
You use to sweep me off my feet.
You use to be my superman.
You use to save the week.

They took you and molded you into what you are today.
They took you and taught you new tricks.
They took you and knew what they did wouldn't be okay.
They took you and your innocent stare and turned you into something evil.

Your heart use to make me smile.
Your eyes use to make me melt.
Your talking was so sweet.
You were only that way for a while.

You use to be cool in my book.
You use to sweep me off my feet.
You use to be my superman.
You use to save the week.

I wish that you were here.
I wish that you were near.
I wish a million things about you.
I wish they would come true.

You use to be cool in my book.
You use to sweep me off my feet.
You use to be my superman.
You use to save the week. ♥

Comments

[nbetweener]

If it's supposed to be a song, let us know, otherwise, ditch the repetitive stanza. Repeat the line about being cool, that's fine, but not a whole stanza. And it's innocent, not inicent; bad spelling is like talking with your mouth full.
If you're going to make it rhyme...make ALL of it rhyme; that second stanza is a wreck. I have a feeling it's one of the parts you felt most strongly, but rethink it. It has real value,and could be a very good piece. But half of writing is rewriting.