alkoholyk

• Artist: areyououthere
• Description: it's a shot at a cinquain; rhythm is piss poor, but at least you can grasp a little bit (if only just a little) of imagery. the volta i guess sucks....please suggest anything through PM; comments suck in the arenas.
  
  i will also emphasize on the PM guys; i don't get an announcement when i get a comment and that sucks because i like an active partnership between critic and poet.
• Date: 09/21/2009
• Tags: alkoholyk

alkoholyk

beer can
disease-ridden;
kills your liver snail-speed;
your friend cirrhosis provoked by
vodka

======================================
Edits:
~switched fine beer to beer can
~switched alcoholic with disease
~switched slowly with snail-speed
~switched"cirrhosis is your only friend" with "your friend cirrhosis provoked by"
~added "-ridden" after disease to make it a true cinquain

ORIGINAL:

fine beer
alcoholic
kills your liver slowly
cirrhosis is your only friend
vodka