• i admit that in the past i've been a nasty
    they weren't kiddin' when they called me kinda strange
    but you'll find that nowadays
    i've mended all my ways
    repented , seen the light , and made a change
    and i unfortunately know a little secret
    it's a talent that i've always have possessed
    and dear lady , please dont laugh
    i use it on behalf
    of the miserable , the lonely , and depressed ( pathetic )



    [chorus]
    poor unfortunate souls
    in pain
    in need
    this one longing to be thinner
    that one wants to get the girl
    and do i help them?
    yes i do!!

    those poor unfortunate souls
    so sad
    so true
    they come flocking to me crying
    "will u help us , pretty please?"
    and i help them
    yes i do



    the men up there don't like alot of bladder
    they think a girl who gossips is a bore
    yes on land its much preferred for ladies not to say a word
    they're not all that impressed with conversation
    true gentlemen avoid it when they can
    but they dote and swoon and fawn
    on ladies who withdrawn
    it's she who holds her tongue who gets a man



    poor unfortunate souls
    go ahead!
    make your choice
    i'm a very busy person and i haven't got all day
    it won't cost much
    just your voice!

    those poor unfortunate souls
    so sad
    so true
    if you wanna cross the bridge , my sweet
    you've got the pay the toll
    take a gulp
    take a breath
    go ahead
    sign the scroll
    nick and kevin
    the boss is on the roll
    you poor unfortunate souls

    in pain
    in need
    this one longing to be thinner
    that one wants to get the girl
    and do i help them?
    yes , indeed
    those poor unfortunate souls
    so sad
    so true
    they come flocking to me crying
    "will you help us l, pretty please?"
    and i help them
    yes i do!

    those poor unfortunate souls