Sapience And Love

• Artist: PotatoPooHead
• Description: Comment/rate and I'll love you forever. (Critique highly desired).
  
  Id. He stalks the shadiest inner sanctums of the human psyche; the demented and twisted soul, in dark and most mysterious subconscious. He is filled with desires and lusts, inexplicable and equally terrifying in their awe.
• Date: 07/24/2009
• Tags: sapience meets love poem poetry

A cricket casts no reflection upon the moon,
And he who waits in silence, sings a threnody of vacuity,
Nothing, yet everything,
And the space in between.
For where no adequate words exist,
To express the cognition,
The yearning of young fellow Id,
In all his chthonic darkness,
In all his perverse distortion,
Silence begets sanguinary impulse.
For opposition is the ambivalent sobriquet,
Which so seeks to maintain yet tear apart,
Change is the perplexing caress of the benevolent LORD,
And a desire unrealized infuriates the mind,
And cozens the heart,
Come, bloodied bereft bedlam!
Come, cursed crippling chaos!
Come to take me, consume me, ravage me,
For I am the quintessential simulacrum of a perspicacious fool in love.

Comments

[Alanora Calaran]

I have to say, I like it. I think in this case some of the hefty vocabulary terms work well. I mean, we *are* talking about Id here. Some of these words I haven't seen in a long time. This piece has an old world feel to it and that's nice to see, but perhaps a little house cleaning is necessary; dust off the cobwebs and replace a few of the needlessly large words here and there and it will really shine.

[Lollipop x L u x u r y]

This really does seem like a good poem. C:
It has a certain 'tune', I guess you would call it, when reading it.
I, sincerely, can't critique this, though.
Why? Well, as much as I'd like to believe I was literate, I'm not to swell with words and this is full of words I didn't even know existed.
This is, in no way absolutely, saying that this poem is bad.
It's merely my fault for not being more educated. So, for the lines I did understand, I'll rate 5/5.
C:

[Purple-shoes616]

Well you obviously have a degree of linguistic talent/intelligence
The poem is pleasing both to the eye and to the ear
My criticism would be that it seems like you are using bug words for the sake of using big words. It's an easy trap to fall into and it makes your poem unnecessarily difficult to understand. They may dazzle the less literate, but really they clutter and confuse without adding much Try using a few more commonplace words (not all but a few)

[PotatoPooHead]

Demented, baseless, abhorrently spelled comment deleted.

Thank you for sharing your transcendental fifteen-year-old wisdom with us all, starfallsymphony. Please do us a favor and hang yourself. smile

The jist of the comment; "HURR BAD POEM CUZ TEZT IZ 2 SMAL CANNUT REED IT MY SISTER IS BETTER LOL LOL LOL".

[Dandoire_Latilla_III]

Its a really amazing piece. I think you could have improved your description though, by focusing more on the poem and its meaning rather than what you believe it is.
I saw no resemblance to Shakespeare, also. It has its own "flair", in my opinion.
Its much better than anything I've seen recently - online or not. I hope you pursue poetry and prose as more than a hobby, if you already aren't. If I could give it a hundred instead of a 5, I would.