All Done

• Artist: Kitten254
• Description: It was a spur-of-the-moment poem i just wrote today Sunday July 19th, 2009 at 12:03 at night...I hope you like it...I like comments so please rate and comment :)
• Date: 07/19/2009
• Tags: done

Tonight is the night I'm gonna fall down,
and never get back up.
there no hope trying to find my way out,
I'm done.
and no matter how much i try to find,
your smile in my mind,
there nothing left,
there's nothing there,
I'm all done.
Remember me as the one who loved you,
no matter what you did.
Remember I'm the one who gave it all up,
just for you to win.
I loved you like no one else could,
and that's all that matters,
cuz now I'm done,
and I'm not giving it a second chance.

~Kit

Comments

[XPoisonedXRosesX]

I think it's about someone could you tell me who?

[Gylfie531]

oh, crap, it wouldn't let me indent it. well sorry, but i meant you should put a tab or a few spaces in front of the lines: "and never get back up." and "I'm done.". sorry about that.

[Gylfie531]

this is ok. the message is a little mudded up, but not bad. i would have indented every other line, the lines that complete the statements. like:
"Tonight is the night I'm gonna fall down,
and never get back up.
there's no hope trying to find my way out,
I'm done."
also i would have left one blank space under "I'm all done."(9th line), to break the phrase.
not half bad for spur-of-the-moment, though.