God Is The Ocean

• Artist: Cottoncandyocbra3
• Description:
• Date: 05/27/2009
• Tags: ocean

When a child must suffer
Whom to call life reprieve
Frenetic hysteria spouts
Calamity foreshadowing

Predicating a failed medicine
Whence do the answers lie?

Stifling the clamor to keen
Perceiving for a shadow of doubt
Hearing He, as the scorpion crawls
I say, "God must be the desert."

Open thine eyes to ethereal
Solutions paved in oblivion
Seeing He, as the crow caws
I say, "God must be the sky."

Radiate the touch, viscous
Breadth to which skin angels cry
Feeling He, as the shark dips
I say, "God must be the Ocean."

Pray not wither screaming
Answers lie where forced

Pat beggars shriek destiny
The miracles are nature
Forgiven not tribal blasphemy
I say, "God, is nothing."

Comments

[in a pinto forever]

I think that bro is mad.
The imagery was not "vivid," but images were evoked, and that was all you desired. I don't think you were going for detail in your imagery. Like "faith," the detail of the imagery in this poem can be different for everyone. It's good that you didn't overdescribe.
I think the direction was rather clear.
Over all? Mediocre is far from the word I'd use to describe the fruit of your efforts, and 2/5 is far from the score I would give it. Let's try giving a 4 this time.

[Ellectric Eccentric]

I like the premise, but you didn't execute it in a very convincing or interesting manner. There is still substance to the work, but it rings a tune of mediocrity. The imagery is pallid, and the overall implementation could have used more overall direction. 2/5