Passing Me By

• Artist: kookiemazter
• Description: another poem i wrote! & please feedback, idc if its bad! really, as long as it is the truth & ur opinion!
• Date: 04/10/2009
• Tags: passing life

This world I know,
Is passing me by.
Like I dont belong in it,
Like I wasnt made for this world.

I sit here wondering how to change,
This world I know I wasnt made for.
Time passes me by,
Like Im stuck in a frozen time zone.

I lay here thinking how to get out,
Of the frozen time zone Im stuck in.
People pass me by,
As if I didnt exsist in the frozen timed world.

I stand here wondering how the world got to,
People passing eachother in a frozen world.
In which I didnt belong to,
And wasnt made for in the first place.

I wait here thinking how I got to,
A world which didnt want me to exsist.
Life passed me by,
Before I realized I wasnt spose to leave it.

I come back here watching how much I missed,
In the world I though I didnt belong in.
The same world I thought I didnt exsist in,
I felt as if I was stuck in frozen time.

I come back here knowing how much I lost,
In the world where I thought people passed me by.
I come back here finding out,
How I was loved by many of those people.

I died there thinking how I didnt belong,
In a world I felt unloved and time was frozen.
People didnt pass me, nor did time or the world,
Life passed me by because I passed everything it gave me.

Comments

[iloveblanketyblank]

You repeatedly say 'pass me by', which is like beginning every sentence with 'he' or 'her'. So add some variety! Or at least use more similes, metaphors, or personification. Maybe something like, "People passed me by like a harsh gust of wind pinching their faces", which is saying they give you a look that makes you feel you don't belong.

Keep practicing! smile

[applesauce600]

I liked the echoing of frozen in time and the last line, but it could use more rhyme and maybe examples.