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I sit here and wonder when you'll return,
I know what I heard on that earlier day.
I had walked, yes you could say stalked, with you for weeks.
I had a certain feeling you knew I was there, unlike everyone else.
You knew I was real, you knew I was there and living. Not just a thing to mock or shun.
I almost thought you understood me. And yet....We hadn't even met.
On that day you left my life. Not like walking away to leave but leaving the face of our demented warped world.
I know that there's no chance for you to return; because I saw that cloaked figure, I saw the flash of a gun, And I saw the pain flooding into your eyes as I fled.
But still I wait, I'll always wait. I'll always wait for the one love that I couldn't save from the killer.
I will wait for the one I couldn't protect, from everything bad. Everything I brought to you by being there.
I knew that that day the bullet shot was meant to go past you and into my chest.
And I for one shall never EVER forgive myself for that. My note will be always posted on the bridge that I cast myself off of.
And I will wait, not touching the note I left for you as nobody else ever notices my confession of my love or the small pale girl with tearstreaked face looking at all the people who shunned her.
Looking and waiting for the beautiful person I couldn't protect.
- by DeerestHammy |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 03/13/2009 |
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- Title: Wait
- Artist: DeerestHammy
- Description: I suppose this is the right arena. I'm not sure though. I just know its sort of poetic so yah. Tell me what you think. Don't be afraid to be blunt or straight forward becasue I am completely enthused by any commentary I might recieve. I'm just looking for ways to improve. Vote fairly please and PEACE TO ALL!!!!
- Date: 03/13/2009
- Tags: wait littleghostgirl cloaked
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Comments (3 Comments)
- Erethia - 04/02/2009
- For criticism purposes, I think it should be more rhythmical. Though I wonder- are you going for lyrical or narrative? If you are going for the latter I would suggest justifying it within the description. add a few grammar and punctuation tweeks here and there, and voila! A masterpiece incarnate! biggrin
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- Dark_Aeris-chan - 03/14/2009
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its not too poetic. I like it though. it has a deeper meaning and a very good story line. Try to make it more of a rhyme
~Rose~
-p.s. look at my poems? comment wha you think biggrin - Report As Spam
- DeerestHammy - 03/13/2009
- Please comment! I enjoy hearing you guy's imput!
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