virtual world

• Artist: Ms Make Me Smile
• Description: i literaly wrote this in about 30 seconds. and i love it tell me what you think and comment and give critiques and advise and how to make it better and what was your favourite part of it. if you comment me ill comment you back if you want!!
• Date: 10/17/2008
• Tags: virtual world

it exists only in my head and in my mind
and only when i wish
never hurting me or being cruel

it loves me because i make it love me
it thinks im the best thing to ever be
it never hates me,no matter what i do

it will always be there for me when i need a friend
it changes for me
it only cares to be happy for me

always listening to my problems
never tirering of me
always there for me
never leaving me

but it will only exist in my head
never will it be perfect
why?
because it will never be real

Comments

[Chayce West]

I disagree with the Xxdead... It's fine the way it is. The why? in the last stanza messes up the flow of the poem. It's pretty good though biggrin

[XxdeadxnxgonexX]

I really enjoyed it. To make it better, not saying that you HAVE to do it, you could capitalize the beginning of each line and all the "i"s that you didn't. ((I am a punctuation and capitalization freak >.> wink ) Also, on the third line, first stanza you could change it to "Never hurting me; never cruel" but you don't have to do it! I'm just offering advice that you can simply ignore... love it though! ^w^