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Tears aof pain stream down this face, but no one cares.......She is blleding on the sidewalk, people just pass by. The pain and emotions eat her up more and more, when each slow rainy day passes by. She screams at the top of her lungs realseing terribel thoughts. No one bothered to look up. Crying day by day pain increasing, to much for her to handle. Going to fall " help! help! she is going to fall someone help her!" She fell off of the cliff smiling witing for the knifes to peirce through her emety heart. Water going deeper and deeper. "You let me fall and you did was watch and never helped." There goes another one. When it rains the window is open, but no one is there sitting by it, the sidewalk is clean no one is bleeding on it. Silence in houses, no screams of pain and tourture can be heard from the outside world. Pain is still inside her, but she is dead. No one cares, but her. Her spirit is locked into darkness. There you can hear her screams, there you can see her bleeding. Still no one cares. Don't you love me anymore?
- by sxy edwards girlfriend |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 10/08/2008 |
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- Title: dont you love me any more?
- Artist: sxy edwards girlfriend
- Description: i felt sad and suicidal that day.....................
- Date: 10/08/2008
- Tags: dont love more
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Comments (3 Comments)
- LovelyPoetress - 06/06/2009
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d of spelling errors. Theres also no plot, no introduction, the problem isn't stated clearly so that the reader knows whats happening. There' a few menial details (a good thing ^^), there's a climax, but the resolution is very vague. What happened to her? Is she a ghost? Is she a vampire?
Again, this would make a great short story. Keep working.
Mucho Queiro. - Report As Spam
- LovelyPoetress - 06/06/2009
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This isn't a poem, or lyrics. Theres no meter, theres no... Oomph, and theres not any kind of picture in my head when I read this. At first I picture a girl crying... Bleeding as she walks down the sidewalk, nobody cares, they just pass her and not notice the pain she's in... Is she still walking after a few slow, rainy days pass? Then she just walks off a cliff? Then there's quiet, and all of a sudden there's ghostly screams from a dead girl...?
It would make a GREAT story, but there's a myria - Report As Spam