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You made her fly with paper wings
That let her soar so high
Until that dreadful rain cloud came
And swept her from the skies
The ground was crumbled and cracked
But you made her keep on coarse
She believed you kept the ground intact
But the floor became the threatening source
She was drowning at the bottom
But you just left her there
She knew you'd never come
And that you'd never care
You lead her on
She was nothing to you
Just a useless tool
That you barely knew
You just don't understand
But what does it matter to you anyways
You don't love any girl
You just throw them away
- by Online Violation |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 09/10/2008 |
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- Title: To The End
- Artist: Online Violation
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Description:
This poem is about a guy who always goes out with girls and leaves them with a broken heart. A guy who cares nothing of them and is always going onto the next girl. A guy who tells lies to keep them at their best but always lead them into traps that catch them in the end. Just about a guy who seems like the right guy for every girl but is the exact opposite of that.
I'm not a beginner at poetry but any pointers or constructive criticism would be appreciated . - Date: 09/10/2008
- Tags: lead heartbreak broken love
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Comments (6 Comments)
- 4MajorAries4 - 09/12/2008
- It's amazing and beautiful.. and poetically sad.
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- Wings110 - 09/10/2008
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Aw, I really like it! I like that I can read it, and that it's smooth and flowing. Some lines were a bit iffy, but other than that good job ^^
Seeing as you said you'd appreciate some criticism, I'll give it a go smile
"The ground was crumbled and cracked" < I'm not sure exactly why I don't like this line, but when I read it it seemed out of place rythm wise.
"But what does it matter to you anyways" < I thought this line seemed to be a little long. I'd lose the 's' too. Hope I helpe - Report As Spam
- iBrightScales - 09/10/2008
- Simply amazing <3
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- Shivaprinniekingxion - 09/10/2008
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I like it alot, you can almost feel her pain! You might want to check on the syllables in each line when you write short lines like that, it flows better if they stay similar.
(Please don't hate me?) - Report As Spam
- iL Monni - 09/10/2008
- i love ur poem!!!
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- Akiko-chan13 - 09/10/2008
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1st comment >.<
omg! that is so amazing!!! i love it! - Report As Spam
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