-
That instant you won't let yourself cry,
the sob of greif you balance on
like swallowing a soul
or ice;
the dream where you jump
propell yourself away
feel the rush of air...
But mostly it's what you'd expect:
clawing breath of greif
tastes the same
as exhaling from the bottom of a lake.
- by aidan scorch |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 09/09/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: From Under Water
- Artist: aidan scorch
-
Description:
WEIRD dreams man, all I can say. Weird dreams.
Anyway, as per normal any and all comments are welcomed and loved. Be harsh, be bitter, be random. Just talk to me!!! T_T - Date: 09/09/2008
- Tags: from under water
- Report Post
Comments (4 Comments)
- Ealdwic - 06/11/2010
- Love it! Only thing I'd recommend is not using grief twice in there, since this is more like a poem/free verse than simple prose. :] Otherwise, I thought it was great. I especially adore this: "the sob of grief you balance on - like swallowing a soul, or ice. . ." Gorgeous. Lastly, I think propel and grief were spelled wrong. P: 4/5 stars~!
- Report As Spam
- the_ashen_child - 09/12/2008
-
"swallowing a soul" now that's something you don't read every day!!
Good job - Report As Spam
- Pirate-Peaches - 09/09/2008
-
Lovely, I adore the lines: the sob of greif you balance on
like swallowing a soul. It makes me think of a song. Excellent writing! - Report As Spam