breath under the shadows

• Artist: Sika Inika
• Description: im not that deep just goin for rhymes
• Date: 09/09/2008
• Tags: breath under shadows

breath under the shadows
so the world cant see your face
live behind the darkness
and hide all your descrace
breath under the shadows
so the world cant hear your cries
you live your happy lives
until your best friend dies
theres no one in this world for you
it was you and her a wonderfull two
now shes gone and your alone
ring ring ring you hear the phone
you pick it up theres a deep breath
they breath under the shadows and say
one down one left
you ask who is this and he says
im the reason your girl is dead
you trace the call and find his spot
he was ready
you got shot
blood poors on the streets that night
a voice wakes you....
"are you alright"
a house your in youve never seen
she says she pulled you off the street
its time to get back on your feet
you see strange pictures on the wall
a big fist hits you and you fall
a scream is heard
the girls tied up
when you wake up yell what the ********
trapped again by the big mans crew
he says i shouldnt of left you
my bank account and pin were his
my wallet too cause thats the biz
then bam just one more shot im out and on the floor
i still have the scar and i cant take no more
i quit my gang cant take that s**t
now they want me...my names on hit

Comments

[Flyinq Lotus]

5/5 dude, stanza or no stanza its still a poem.

[Helpline]

Well… you did a good job but there are some changes that could make it better. I think you should use stanzas to give your poem a flow and rhythm. I would also look it over there were points to where I could not pick up on the poem. But you did do a good job. The poem had suspense which keeps readers going, and you also wrote a good story. What I said is just a possible way to make it one step better. =) 3/5