i felt pain...

• Artist: Lustnmisery
• Description: just expressing whats in my brain...
• Date: 08/07/2008
• Tags: broken

for the first time i felt true pain
i felt the urge to go back to what i thought i forgot
what i thought was buried deep inside
for the first time the one i loved cause it
caused me to want to do something
something that they said they would be the remedy for
they broken a promise
they broken a heart
they broken a girl
they broke me....

Comments

[ZoeLawliet]

The tense of the word "broken" is used incorrectly with the word "they"...
It would also be nice if you could use commas, and proper grammar...
The idea is good but maybe you could use more interesting words to describe them and maybe re-pharse some of the things written, because I know a lot of poems with the same idea. You have to make yours stand out from the others.

3/5