All Those Things Mean Nothing

• Artist: xxxriverbayxxx
• Description: This is a poem about my father and my relationship with him.
• Date: 07/28/2008
• Tags: father love

I could ask for the moon,
and I'd have it.
I could ask for the stars in the sky,
and I'd have them.
I could ask for a mansion 20 acres wide,
and I'd have it.
I could ask for 5 cars,
and I'd have them.
But, all these things don't mean a thing,
'cause when I ask for a hug or an, 'I Love You',
I don't get anything.

Comments

[Notsuki guinea pig]

This, is beautiful.

[ll-0RACL3_kun-ll]

I suggest you add emotions though exaggeration is good enough biggrin ..pls check my poem as well. thx

[Miss Fro]

I like this. The asking for a mansion and cars doesn't seem to fit though. maybe add something to make the transition from impossible to material items smoother? Or try flipping it; move from smaller to larger.

Drop the " 'cause", it cheapens the poem. I suggest either dropping the "But" or placing it in a line by itself.