Please call 911

• Artist: kakoshie
• Description: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME ITS A CHARACTER >< lol so dont say oh dont be emo!
  
  This is peom i made of my suicidal OC character Abbygale Marrie Valentine.
  
  MINE MINE MINE NO STEALING OR I EAT YOUR HEART WITH A RUSTY SPORK
• Date: 07/19/2008
• Tags: 911suicidepleasehelpcall

911(this is not about me, its about an OC character lol)

Someone please call 911,
I can't believe what i have done.
I've gone to far,
I've cut to much.
I went to deep,
It hurts to touch.

Please hurry, i don't have time,
My life is decided on your speed and time.
I'll explain later,
ill tel you all.
Please,
just get up and call.

There you go,
Pick up that phone.
Now you talk,
In a worried tone.

It's getting late,
But i have to wait.
For the paramedics,
To set me straight.

Oh s**t no,
I've run out of time,
For this stupid life of mine.

Comments

[Summer Fallwinterspring]

Wow. Never seen this one before. Nope. Never.

[kakoshie]

thank you ^_^ lol (yea i was like, must write "is not about me" wink

[RamiaAnimorphis]

(It cut off my nice comment :< )
On a nicer side:
The rhyme scheme and the meter are very good. They go well with each other and they don't try and reach for a flow that isn't there. Kudos on that. biggrin

[RamiaAnimorphis]

Sorry, but this is like pretty much every single depressing poem out there. The only difference is that this isn't about you. The emo route for poetry is so overused that I honestly don't remember seeing a well written happy poem. Also, if you are going to write, please take the time to proofread and correct your spelling and grammar mistakes. There is nothing that discourages me from reading a poem more than bad grammar and spelling.
However, on a positive side, since I've been kind of n

[saintbilliesuzie]

Well written. biggrin Make sure that when you write, I is always capitalized. And you may want to replace to with too. Tell has two 'l's also. You've set an excellent tone. biggrin

[Convoluted Logic]

Hey, look at that! Your rhymes aren't actually that bad. xD Shocker. However, you have problems. ;] Your commas and periods are misplaced. Also, your capitalization is off. Thank you and have a nice day. =D

[lifesux23]

very nice ~appludes~