Below

• Artist: Amber Skyes
• Description: I had just discovered the 'pantoum' style used in my poem, and I wanted to write a poem without punctuation. 'Below' was what came out.
  
  *I did not use incorrect grammar. I used 'no punctuation'.*
  
  I entered it in the Roliana summer poetry contest under the same name. I am not a poem thief.
• Date: 07/19/2008
• Tags: pantoum poem mermaid water summer

Oceans waves crash on the shore
children shout and play
covered in sand and water
shells find pockets in which to rest

children shout and play
treasure hunting
shells find pockets in which to rest
the breeze fuels waves

treasure hunting
Kitera Eishhi
the breeze fuels waves
she can hear them from below

Kitera Eishhi
the humans happy
she can hear them from below
the land on which they walk

the humans happy
ignorant in their superiority
she can hear them from below
but they do not know the truth

ignorant in their superiority
they stay happy unknowing
but they do not know the truth
they are not the only ones

they stay happy unknowing
polluting and uncaring
they are not the only ones
with whom the world is shared

polluting and uncaring
humans are evil say the Kieri
with whom the world is shared
they do not think of others

humans are evil say the Kieri
Kitera is Kieri
they do not think of others
that is why they must be destroyed

Kitera is Kieri
the people of the fish fin
that is why they must be destroyed
and the Sea Lord himself must agree

the people of the fish fin
proud and ancient
and the Sea Lord himself must agree
in the Great Tide

proud and ancient
they swim in their cities
in the Great Tide
their hopes for the future lie

they swim in their cities
hollowed ancient and translucent
their hopes for the future lie
when the humans are done and gone

hollowed ancient and translucent
like their crystal hearts
when the humans are done and gone
truly the rulers of Ocean

like their crystal hearts
beautiful but unfeeling
truly the rulers of Ocean
the sea and all it holds

beautiful but unfeeling
like stone walls inlaid with silver
the sea and all it holds
their platter

like stone walls inlaid with silver
like the castle walls
their platter
within their plans created

like the castle walls
Kieri build walls around their hearts
within their plans created
and revealed to none but Kieri

Kieri build walls around their hearts
and cannot feel the joy of humans
and revealed to none but Kieri
their true feelings

and cannot feel the joy of humans
they wait and wait for the Great Tide to come
their true feelings
betrayed when the prophecy does not hold because of her

they wait and wait for the Great Tide to come
but Kitera alone stands with man
betrayed when the prophecy does not hold because of her
she must flee or be found guilty of treason

but Kitera alone stands with man
her heart sings with love for life
she must flee or be found guilty of treason
yet she is the granddaughter of the Sea Lord

her heart sings with love for life
she will not allow humans to be destroyed
yet she is the granddaughter of the Sea Lord
who wants humans to die

she will not allow humans to be destroyed
Oceans waves crash on the shore
who wants humans to die
covered in sand and water

Comments

[Aaronjrbot]

I wuv it~

[a peace remaining]

Your use of style is good and your diction is much better than what I can usually find here. The only criticism I can make on this is that around the third stanza your repeated lines stop flowing well. It seems forced and the form seems forced. http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15246 is Parent's Pantoum, if you want a good example of this style. ^_^ PM me if you want to talk about it. I'd be happy to help more!

[Rukiyo]

I really like this! A cyclic story in the form of poetry smile . Keep making things like this; it's captivating.

[Hekibel]

Hurmm.... strange style, but very original! Not like anything I've ever seen on here.... Keep up the good work!

[Dax -insert paw print-]

Very interesting style you used there. It was detailed and pleasant to read, and I enjoyed that it was so descriptive. Excellent job and wonderful poem. I think you have a wonderful talent for this. Good luck .