• I carry my textbooks
    The ones for IMP and Spanish
    If I’d actually open them up once in a while, I might actually learn something.

    I carry hope for the future, not much because longing always leads to disappointment.

    I carry music
    The soundtrack to my life, expressing every emotion that I won’t
    Cheering me up before I forget the smile plastered on my face.

    I carry an obscene amount of jewelry on my person,
    But I refuse to carry my heart on my sleeves like I used to
    Back when the world was still beautiful and untainted.

    I carry the memory of molestation
    The feeling of cold sharp steel across my throat
    And the masked voice spitting “You know you wanted it.”
    Repeating over and over again in my head.

    I carry makeup to conceal the scars that won’t go away
    So I don’t walk unprepared into a war zone called home.

    I carry the struggle of life and death
    Trying to figure out the difference between the two.
    We’ve all been cold and unmoving, stable and thoughtless.
    We’ve all had moments where we become heartless.
    But the dead stay dead.
    The living always seem to die, getting killed, killing themselves.
    We have a chance to change, re-do, re-write, reflect, rediscover ourselves.
    Our life is the only thing separating us from the corpses.

    I carry the love for someone who doesn’t exist in this world.
    They exist in a corner of my heart that won’t go away
    Even though I beg for it to collapse.

    I don’t carry a lot of things.
    I abandon them in rooms, moving on my way without them.
    Those that can be taken away from me I’ll let go of before they have the chance to leave.

    I hold paranoia close to me like it’s my dearest friend,
    Protecting me from the dangerous cutthroat life I live.

    I carry a protective barrier around myself
    Letting people know me without letting them know who I am.
    I carry shame and embarrassment because I actually care about what some people think
    Even though half of those people I don’t even like.

    I carry anger towards everyone, even people I’ve never met.
    I carry venom though I never planned on it.

    I carry the world upon my shoulders,
    But sometimes I can’t take it so I throw it in other peoples faces.

    I always forget to carry my glasses
    The world isn’t such a nice place when it’s blurry
    I doubt it’ll change when I see it clearly.

    I carry a red spiral that tells my story through someone who is stronger than I am,
    Who is what I am.

    I carry the knowledge that people are not going to like what I have to say.
    I speak not for myself, but for them, so they can open up their minds.
    Meaning every word I speak, however, is just a bonus.

    I carry these hollow lines of poetry,
    Trying to let my feelings break through the word barrier created for me.
    “You’ve got to keep it at a PG-13 level” they say.
    But that’s not how I think
    The words in my head flow loosely, completely free,
    Not giving a damn about restrictions or limitations or other people’s feelings.
    They’re my thoughts, not theirs, not yours.

    Beaten, battered, abused, used,
    Playing the b***h, being the bad guy, getting hurt, hurting other people
    You name it I’ve done it.
    I do have standards. It’s called staying alive.

    I carry people when they are too weak to carry themselves.
    I’ve been there.
    I know what it feels like to lay your head down in the garbage that is your life,
    Waiting to get thrown away.

    I carry my friends
    Their problems and their lives morph into mine.
    My friends become apart of me and I cannot leave without them.
    They carry me more than I carry them.

    I carry the heart of the tough chick,
    But I carry the soul of a girl who cares for miles, just waiting to be discovered.

    I carried my parent’s expectations,
    The old and the new,
    The ones saying, “You can do anything!”
    And the ones saying, “Well you’re probably just going to fail.”
    I threw those away and set up my own.

    I carry chains
    Connecting me to people,
    Holding me back from taking too many steps forward
    Binding me to myself, to the truth, to the lies.

    I carry the past,
    The happy smiles and tears of disappointment.

    I carry the present
    Always unfolding with new tricks and unchanging realities.

    I prepare myself to carry the future.

    And now I carry myself.