• Hey everybody. My name is Rachel. I am 19 years old and live in California, but will soon be in New Zealand. I thought I should talk about my life for once because I’ve always been so afraid to or against the idea of remembering the past.

    To start, I had a pretty okay childhood. It wasn’t the greatest, but I wouldn’t be where I am today without it right? Well anyways, I lost a lot of close family members growing up, which would be normal except mine basically died every few months. I’ve been to at least 6 times as many funerals compared to weddings. I hate funerals.

    When I was younger, just like now, I was pretty chubby. Before though, I never cared about my appearance, and I believed that I could just myself and people would like me. Because of this I got bullied a lot and I never really had many friends. The friends I did have stopped talking to me after middle school. It was really tough for me, especially since the school I went to for 9 years had a poor way of dealing with bullies, so I had to just suck it up and get over it most of the time.

    In elementary school I was an A student. I mean, almost everyone is at that level because it’s so easy, right? The transition into 6th grade was tough for me. At the beginning of Middle School, my dad lost his job, and around the time that I was 11 my mother had a stroke. Another big thing was my cousin, Andy, who I was raised with and felt as if she was a sister to me, died. She had an aneurysm in her brain. It was the hardest thing I ever went through, and the only death I ever cried from.

    In Middle School, my grades slipped terribly, and I got into trouble. I was with a girl that I thought was my friend and ended up shoplifting. I didn’t get charges pressed against me because I never got in trouble before, but my parents were beyond angry with me. Instead of helping me through it, I always got ignored and learned to keep my problems to myself.

    After middle school, I went to a High School different than the rest of the people I knew all those years. It was weird, but I ended up liking it. In 9th grade, I was really stressed out. I learned at this time that I don’t handle stress well. I did some really terrible things including sending pictures of myself to people I met on the internet when I was only 15 and some of these guys were in their 20’s. It was how I coped with the stress and got away from the fact that I didn’t really have friends and was too self-conscious to try to make any. When my parents took my phone away after seeing my grades, I broke down and everything hit me. I don’t remember what I was thinking, but I ended up taking a large amount of random over-the-counter and prescription medications. I got sick, and when my parents figured out what I had done they rushed me to the ER. There, I had to drink this disgusting liquid that basically pumped my stomach of all the pills.

    After a few days at the hospital, I was sent to a place called CAPS. It was basically a place for teenagers that did things like I did, or have a constant habit of running away, or just have general problems that would land them in a locked down facility like this. I liked it. I spent about a week there, away from everyone, and it was nice.

    After 9th grade, I started to make a few friends. I had a couple boyfriends and I started being myself again. I was still a bit shy at times, but I began enjoying school and getting to know a lot of people.

    Even though I was feeling better, I was still talking to the school councilor every week. I also had to talk to doctors, and when I was 17 I was diagnosed with chronic depression and severe social anxiety. I’ve been on 3 different antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications that didn’t help at all and only gave me terrible side effects. In June, 2015, my doctor decided to try me on one more medication, especially since I am about to move to another country. It works! I’ve gotten over 90% of my anxiety and I don’t feel as depressed anymore, which is really nice.

    I now have big ambitions to travel the world, start a family, go to college, and become a YouTuber for fun! With the support of the friends and family I have now, I’ve managed to survive the worst of my life and now I’m here. Thanks everyone.