• today..well accualy a week ago i was in one of my classes. my journalisim class. and i was on the news paper crew and we would make the monthly paper. and we were already way past our dealine...and the teacher came over to have a meeting with us one day and she just told us we werent doing do enough and that she had cancled the paper, and that just crushed me...like all i ever try to do is what im told,i try my hardest and i put my heart into it. but some how, every single time its just not enough, all my life i dreamed of be a journalist. but now im seeing that this isnt for me, i just want a job that i can go to every day and never be told that im not good enough. i meen...thats all i ever get is people telling me that like my pictures are too sad, or my writing has too many grammarical/spelling problems. and so its never good enough for anyone. and the only way i can draw and write and be happy about it is if i keep it to myself, but them when someone peeks over my shoulder without me knowing or steals the paper i was drawing on they tell me im really good an that i should put it out in the world and so i do. then i just get chewed out about how horrible it is. sometimes i think its just not worth it, that my life is just so small and useless that nobody would care if i just died...then that leaves me to the question, would any body care if i died? who out there would cry jenuine tears of saddness for me? who would miss me? nothing i do is good enough for them, i try and i try and i try! i give my heart! and i put every little bit of though and every little bit of soul and yet still, after all the time i spend tweeking it, all the time i spend making sure its as beautiful as posible, it still isnt good enough...ever single day i face the question of "will i ever make it?" or "How am i ever going to survive in the world?" and i want so badly just to be accepted and for people to realise who i am and not who i was, and just for them to see the love and the care i put into all my work... but of course that could never happen. nobody even bothers to give me a little smile. i still remember the day a few months ago when a girl at my school told me she liked my hair, then the next day she passed me a note saying that i was a really good drawer, then the next she told me she liked the collor of my eyes and even asked me if i whore contacts. and that was the best month of my entire life, i came home and sat on my bed crying tears of joy.... little things like that can change a persons life...