• I was recently told some very sad news. In about a week, my girlfriend will be going thru surgery to replace metal plates acting as her ribs. The metal rusts after a long time and the bacteria eats away at her heart. She needs the part of her heart being eaten away replaced too. Doctors say she has a 15% chance of surviving the surgery. That means there’s an 85% chance she could die from the surgery according to what the doctors say. She says that her fate has been decided and that she will die next week. She didn’t want me to know because she thought I would be sad.

    When I found out though, I did all but make a sad face. How could I? Do people expect me to show her a depressed face when she is already down? Hell no. I showed her a smile and told her that she’s gonna be ok. That those percentages and odds are meaningless because she is a strong person. Even when she kept telling me it’s impossible to avoid her death and to stop making myself believe in lies, I told her I wasn’t lying. I honestly and truthfully believe she will be ok.

    I know I can never tell her that I know how she feels or that I understand what she's going thru right now. That does not mean I'll treat this as some little problem. Especially when day by day I see her trying to force a smile on her face so people don't worry. Have you ever seen a sad smile before? I don't ever want to see one of those coming from her ever again. Surgery or not.

    Something like that isn’t going to stop her life. The way she was talking was that of someone who’s giving up. I wouldn’t let her. I’ll never let her give up. It’s when you give up that things go south. I’m not gonna lie. Sure I was sad to find out about her upcoming surgery, but that won’t stop me from believing in her and the fact that she will be ok.

    People can say what they like. I’m not going to stop believing in what I believe. I’m not fooling myself either if that’s what people think. I know this to be true because me and her are going to continue living together and seeing that smile on her face, for me, is important to keep alive.

    I love you babe,
    Tony