• ALONE
    A Mysterious comedy

    BY: Hannah, Katie (Benji), Amber, Jacob, and Tucker.


    AMBER: Why am I even here? I am not crazy. My parents are idiots, I don’t belong in a mental home.

    BENJI: Well if you’re not crazy why do you hear me then? Huh?

    AMBER: Shut up, you are nothing more than a stupid little voice that will disappear once I relax a bit.

    BENJI: Uh huh. Sure, and you are a happy-little-sparkling-twilight-vampire-who-is-not-really-a-fairy. Now press the doorbell already! Just glaring at the door won’t make anyone answer.

    AMBER: I don’t want to!

    BENJI: Honey, it’s cold out here and your butt is also my butt and I would very much like to keep it from freezing off.

    AMBER: Whatever….

    (DOORBELL RINGS)

    (FOOTSTEPS AND THEN A DOOR OPENS)

    JACOB: Welcome! You must be Amber, we have been expecting you for awhile now.

    BENJI: Well isn’t he just a bundle of joy, that goofy smile is creeping me out though….

    AMBER: Will you shut up!

    BENJI: You better stop talking in your head and answer him honey, he’s starting to give you that look that just says what-are-you-doing?

    AMBER: Sorry, yeah I’m Amber…..Um can you move so I can come in, it’s freezing out here

    JACOB: Oh, yes. Come in, come in.

    (FOOTSTEPS AND A DOOR BEING SHUT)

    JACOB: How are you feeling about coming here?

    AMBER: Truthfully, I don’t belong here. I am not crazy, my parents are just over-exaggerating

    JACOB: That may be true, but until you're cleared you’ll have to stay here so why not have fun?

    AMBER: I guess.

    JACOB: How about I take you for a quick tour around so you can get to know the place.

    AMBER: Sure. (SIGHS) so what other crazies are here?

    TUCKER: Aren’t you a little bundle of sunshine.

    (SQUEAL AND THUMP)

    JACOB: Now Tucker what did I say about sneaking up on people and hiding in closets?

    TUCKER: (LAUGHS) Yeah, yeah doc. here let me help you up , Amber right, heard the doc. Say your name when he welcomed you in, sorry about scaring you and making you fall on your butt.

    AMBER: It’s okay, I was just surprised that’s all. I didn’t notice you behind me.

    TUCKER: Hm, okay.

    JEFF (JACOB): TUCKER! HURRY UP! I’M STARVING!

    TUCKER: I better go, knowing Jeff he’ll chow down on all the good food if I don’t hurry. See you later, Amber.

    (HURRIED FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY)

    AMBER: He’s weird…..

    BENJI: I like him.

    AMBER: Shut up!

    JACOB: You ready to start the tour?

    AMBER: Huh. Oh, yeah sure.

    (FOOTSTEPS)


    (PAUSE; Commercial - Pokket Emo)

    AMBER: Hey all you sad, depressed people out there! I know of a great product that’ll make your lives beautiful!
    Can’t believe such a great product exists? Well it does! The Pokket Emo is such an amazing thing. You keep it in your pocket and when your feeling down just take it out and you’ll be laughing at how great your life is compared to this sad little pocket dwellers life.

    JACOB: It’s such a great product that made my life so much better. I used to cry at night because I was bullied at school and home! When I got the Pokket Emo though my life got light years better! It’s such an amazing little thingy-ma-bob. So small it can fit in your pocket but so full of entertainment you’ll be questioning why you don’t have your own little emo person living in your pocket! So buy one now!

    AMBER: Buy me! Buy me! (EVIL VOICE) BUY ME!

    (Commercial ends; PAUSE)

    (FOOTSTEPS)

    AMBER: This place is HUGE!!

    JACOB: (LAUGHS) We do our best to provide a large and entertaining home for our clients.

    (FOOTSTEPS STOP AND A DOOR OPENS)

    JACOB: This is the study, you can read any books you want and it is open to you and the other children almost all the time, It’s only closed when we have our sessions with you and the others.

    AMBER: Sessions?

    HANNAH: Basically interrogations of our privacy, which there is none of here. Everyone knows everything about everybody.

    AMBER: Who are you?

    BENJI: Miss grumpy pants.

    HANNAH: Hannah.

    AMBER: Can’t you take your nose out of that book and at least look at me when you talk.

    HANNAH: Not interested.

    BENJI: Well she’s a talker ain’t she. Hears your voice, and from what I can tell, sized you up as just another annoyance.

    JACOB: Sorry about Hannah, Amber. She’s not very talkative, more of the quiet reading type.

    BENJI: Oh really? I never would’ve guessed

    AMBER: Seriously, do you have a stick up your butt or do you just enjoy being sarcastic.

    BENJI: I enjoy being sarcastic.

    JACOB: Amber, why don’t you go up to your new room. If you need any help just call for Jeff or Tucker.

    AMBER: Okay. What about you?

    JACOB: I need to talk with Hannah about her changed sleeping arrangements, you and her will be roomies.

    BENJI: Oh joy.

    AMBER: Cool, well I guess I’ll see you later. Bye Hannah.

    (FOOTSTEPS AND A DOOR CLOSING)

    BENJI: Well isn’t she nice, didn’t even bother to say goodbye.

    AMBER: She’s just probably one of those shy types.

    BENJI: Hm, maybe…. Do you know where your going by the way? I’m pretty sure we’ve been down this corridor already.

    AMBER: I know where I’m going!………………. I think………….I blacked out for a moment and I don’t remember…

    BENJI: lovely

    (LOUD SIGH)

    AMBER: (SCREAMS)

    BENJI: IT’S A GHOST!

    AMBER: DON’T EAT ME! I’M NOT TASTY!

    HANNAH: What in the world are you talking about?

    AMBER: Holy moley you scared me Hannah, weren’t you supposed to be talking with Jacob?

    HANNAH: He was just reminding me about the rules so I didn’t take long.

    AMBER: Oh.

    HANNAH: Where are you going by the way? If you keep walking straight your just going to go in a circle

    BENJI: Told you.

    AMBER: Shut Up!

    HANNAH: Okay.

    AMBER: Not you, just…..

    HANNAH: No need to explain, if you're in here you’ve got problems like the rest of us.

    (FOOTSTEPS)

    AMBER: Wait up! Don’t just start walking away.

    (HURRIED FOOTSTEPS MEET AND MATCH THE SLOWER ONES)

    HANNAH: You shouldn’t stand around if you don’t want to get left behind.

    AMBER: What’s wrong with you? You just seem like a butt head.

    (RUNNING AND A WHUMP)

    HANNAH & AMBER: WOAH!

    TUCKER: She’s just bad with communication, she can’t stand human interactions and usually avoids them.

    AMBER: Oh… um where’d you come from and what’s with the random group hug?

    TUCKER: I’m lonely.

    HANNAH: His problem is well, I’m not sure, he’s just kind of strange…

    TUCKER: Hey! I’ll have you know…

    JEFF: (SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL)

    (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS FOLLOWED BY MULTIPLE CRASHES)

    HANNAH: JEFF! Watch it! You just knocked everyone down! Dang I think you knocked out Tucker! You okay Amber?

    AMBER: Yeah, just hit my head a little.

    BENJI: OW! This body is so not made for crash landings!

    JEFF: I…I…I….I…I’m s..s…so.. So sorry! B..BUT..

    TUCKER: Out with it! I got to pee now because you knocked me on my stomach!

    JEFF: JACOB’S DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (SILENCE)

    BENJI: I so did not see that….

    (PAUSE; PSA)

    TUCKER: I am sorry to interrupt your program but recently a set of murders have been happening. Teenagers with big mouths and gossip non-stop are being killed by large mobs of Care Bears who are sick and tired of hearing non-stop about how cute someone is. If you or someone you know is like this and has a Care Bear lock the Bear up in a secure area and call the Federal Agency, Teletubbies, to professionally dispose of these damaged products. Thank you, that is all, now please enjoy your program.

    (PAUSE; PSA END)

    HANNAH: WHAT!

    JEFF: I went to go get a book out of the study for some yummy new dessert the cooks could make…

    TUCKER: Typical you’d only go there for food…

    JEFF: Shut it! Anyways, He was just laying there, his face all bloody and….and…..

    (SOUND OF PUKING)

    TUCKER: Calm down

    (JEFFS BACK IS PAT AND RUBBED)

    HANNAH: I was just with him that’s impossible! He was alive! Tucker……. STOP! Don’t give me that look! I didn’t kill him!

    TUCKER: Hannah you were the last one with him, you’re the only one….

    HANNAH: SHUT UP!

    (RUNNING AWAY)

    TUCKER: WAIT! Uh oh, I guess I shouldn’t have done that…

    JEFF: What if she is the killer!? Than it’s good you chased her away!

    AMBER: Stop it! You don’t know that and it’s not right to just accuse people!

    TUCKER: Amber you don’t know her, she has outbursts….

    AMBER: I’m going to go get her.

    (RUNNING)

    BENJI: You’re an idiot, running to a potential murderer. You know I enjoy living, thank you very much.

    AMBER: SHUT UP!

    (SNIFFLING AND CRYING)

    AMBER: HANNAH!?

    (LOUD THUMP)

    AMBER: OW!

    HANNAH: (LAUGHS) You shouldn’t run so fast or you run into walls.

    AMBER: Hannah! Weren’t you just crying.

    HANNAH: No

    AMBER: Then why are you crouched on the floor in a corner?

    HANNAH: I like corners, they’re peaceful.

    AMBER: Hannah don’t be sad, Tucker just made a dumb comment. I know you didn’t do it.

    HANNAH: How? You met me like five minutes ago, I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean you know my entire personality.

    AMBER: Something just tells me your not. So stop complaining and help me find out who it is.

    (FADING FOOTSTEPS)

    HANNAH: Ugh! All I want with my life is to read a good book and I can die happy.

    AMBER: If you keep sitting around you just might.

    HANNAH: (SIGHS)

    (HURRIED FOOTSTEPS)

    HANNAH: So what’s the plan.

    (RUNNING AND A SCREAM)

    JEFF: DON’T YOU HURT HER YOU DEMON!

    (LOUD THUMP)

    HANNAH: (SCREAMS)

    (A LOUD CRASH FOLLOWED BY A DOOR BEING SLAMMED SHUT)

    AMBER: What the heck Jeff! Why’d you shove Hannah in a closet!?

    (LOUD BANGING)

    HANNAH: LET ME OUT! JEFF I’M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT TO MARS WHEN I GET YOU!

    JEFF: Eek! We’re all gonna die!

    AMBER: Knock it off, Hannah didn’t kill anyone!

    TUCKER: Come on Amber! We got to get out of here! We can get the cops!

    (STUGGLE AND BANGING)

    AMBER: Let me go Tucker! Let Hannah out and knock it off she’s not the killer!

    BENJI: How boring. Want any help?

    AMBER: NO! STOP I can’t black out now!

    TUCKER: What the! (SCREAMS)

    JEFF: (WHIMPERS)

    (SILENCE)

    (PAUSE; Commercial- Benji’s Flying Mooses)

    BENJI- Don’t you just hate that boring everyday fast food?
    EVERYONE- YEAH!

    AMBER- Eh. I guess..

    BENJI- (MUMBLES) Shut up…..(LOUDER) Than come on down to Benji’s Flying Mooses! Home of the best Flying moose rides! Just one trip and you’ll be going crazy for more! We are a one of a kind place so you won’t find us anywhere else, so you better hurry on down here and book a seat now!

    EVERYONE- Come on down to Benji’s Flying Mooses! Come have the greatest ride of your life and an amazing meal!

    BENJI- We serve chicken.

    (PAUSE; END OF COMMERCIAL)

    (DISTANT SOUND OF BANGING GETTING LOUDER AND LOUDER)

    AMBER: Ugh! My head kills right now. What happened……HOLY!

    BENJI: That’s not the only thing that kills…..

    HANNAH: Let me out!

    (DOOR BANGS OPEN)

    HANNAH: What’s with all the screaming……Oh my god…

    AMBER: Hannah I don’t know what happened. Please stop looking at me so scared.

    HANNAH: M…mu….. Murderer!

    AMBER: Hannah calm down.

    HANNH: NO! Let go of my neck!

    (STRUGGLE)

    AMBER: Stop!

    (SOUND OF A LARGE SNAP THEN SILENCE)

    AMBER: Dang

    (A LOUD THUMP)

    AMBER: I didn’t mean to snap her neck. Geez well this was a wonderful day.

    BENJI: Sure was.

    AMBER: Will you shut up! This is your fault! EVERYWHERE I GO YOU MAKE ME KILL PEOPLE

    BENJI: You said you didn’t want to be here.

    AMBER: I despise you.

    BENJI: I love you too.