• “Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased.
    Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken.
    But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever.”
    --Anonymous


    ~oOo~


    “We’re both headed towards the same destination. I’ll be waiting for you.”

    But when everything was over, when the puzzle was solved, when the race was finished, no one was waiting for Near at the finish line.

    Because the person who was supposed to be waiting there—who promised to be waiting there—was gone.

    Mello died because of him or for him; Near didn’t know which one was worse. All he knew was that it left a burden on his shoulders; a burden heavier than that of being the new L or that of being Kira’s captor. All of it, all of it… He saw it as nothing more but blood on his hands, and though he refused to act as though he was affected by it in the slightest, on the inside, he was aching with the pain of a thousand white-hot knives being stabbed over and over into his very soul.

    Near hates Mello for not keeping his promise to wait. Near loves Mello for giving up everything just to help him—someone that had been a longtime rival.

    Near loves Mello, Near hates Mello, and Near forgives Mello.

    Even he himself has no idea how he manages to keep all of it inside without going mad, because he knows it’s his fault. It’s all his fault.

    The guilt gnaws at him, threatening to reach into his core and expose him from what he truly was; vulnerable, weak, and pathetic. The guilt…

    The guilt was just too much.

    So, a day later, when Lidner hands him a crumpled note that has his name on the front and a gothic M on the back, when he opens it, he feels as if he is doing something incredibly taboo. A note from Mello. Would it be right to read it? Fear is a foreign emotion that rarely rears its head to face Near, and yet now, he is afraid. His inner self mocks him for being scared of something as trivial as a letter, makes fun of him and insults his pride, but Near blocks out those annoying voices and just proceeds to unfold the piece of paper in silence.

    However, when he reaches that one last fold, that one last barrier left that prevents him from reading the note’s contents, fear takes over.

    He stops.

    What could Mello possibly have left to say that he couldn’t say while he was still alive?
    Near’s heart—I probably have a heart, or else it wouldn’t hurt so much—quickens it pace, his fingertips tremble slightly. Would he be ready for what lay inside? Would it just remind him of his faults; cause him even more pain?

    Only…

    …one

    way…

    …to

    find…

    …out.

    He opens it.

    All is quiet as he reads the single word inside, and he reads it again before realizing that it was the continuation of a past promise, before letting a wave of shock and realization and sheer relief swallow him and take him under.

    Всегда.

    Suddenly, all his fortresses of dice and matchsticks plummet to the ground and make a mess of his composure; his whole body shudders violently as he gasps for breath, trying but failing to resurface from the ocean of emotions that threatened to drown him. Every wall made of playing cards and tarot cards that he spent so long to build around him quivers and collapses. One by one, robot soldiers fall over in defeat until finally, the puzzle that is Near shatters apart; bits and pieces of him rain to the ground, and for once he doesn’t give a damn that there is no one there to put him back together; he doesn’t give a damn about logic, rhyme, or reason—

    For once, Near just cries.

    …And then, after the tears fade away to mere tracks on Near’s cheeks, after he refolds the note and slips it into his pajama top’s pocket, after he regains his poise and enough of his dignity to quietly command Lidner to drop a bag of chocolates on Mello’s grave—after all that, he lies down on his bed to rest for the first time in ages.

    Every worry he has ever had slowly fades, and his conscience feels considerably lighter after being liberated. It was almost enough to make him laugh out loud, but he still values his sanity, so he doesn’t. Instead, he just laughs on the inside.

    His hand finds its way to the note in his pocket, and he doesn’t take it out but simply closes slender fingers around it, relishing its presence there. He had been right; it was a reassurance, it was a reminder. But it was a reminder that he could continue living and simply go when the time was right, that he had nothing left to feel guilty about, that the one who had hated him since time immemorial had forgiven him.

    …Forgiven him, loved him, and loves him still.

    Just as he had done.

    In time, he begins to feel drowsy, but just before he falls asleep, he could have sworn that he was hearing the ghost of a familiar voice whispering quietly into his ear.

    “I’ll be waiting for you.”

    So he whispers back, more to assure himself than to reply, repeating the single precious word on the note before falling asleep to lullabies of old promises and dreams of the day they’ll be kept.

    “Always.”

    ~oOo~


    Author's Note: I've finally decided to submit a sample of my writing to Gaia. Hahaha. And yes, that Russian word and the last thing Near says means the same thing. Basically, when Mello said "We're both headed for the same destination, I'll be waiting for you," he meant the end of the Kira case. But since he died, 'destination' now refers to death. His note is a continuation of his promise. Mello will always be waiting.

    *shot for cheesy explanation*

    LOL. Anyway, that was just a taste of my writing... an advertisement if you will. If you liked what you read (I hope so O.O ), my fanfiction.net account is...

    Here!

    Thank you for reading, and I really do appreciate comments and ratings. :]