• Dreams and Reality

    The weeks had been pouring past so quickly that it took Amy a few minutes to realise that she had been wasting away the year. The year that was supposed to have everything fall into place; the same year off from school before she had to begin the studying regime and go to college in the summer. It felt like she had just begun the year and as she looked at her calendar she saw that it was in fact august. Where had the year gone?
    What had she achieved in this year so far?
    Her savings account had hardly moved an inch since January and she had been at her part time job, caring for animals for longer than she had expected. Her dreams of becoming a singer had somehow faded into nothingness and now looking back all she could do was to blame herself for the lack of commitment to her future. How had she let it happen?
    Her friends had all been involved in the beginning however they had all become well established in their own dreams of the future now and she was left alone to ponder how it had become August before she had even realised.

    The pain inside her began to lash out. She threw the vase in her room into the wall with a crash and as she began to scoop up the shards of glass, she looked into a fragment and saw what a failure she had become since finishing school.
    There was no one she could discuss this with to the full extent however she could talk to her friend penny about some of the problems she had in her life. She was just as understanding as she never graduated from school and she was not pursuing her dream of acting but she was working full time at a great clothing store and she was taking a small drama class near where she lived so Amy saw that she too had moved on even if she didn’t believe she had.

    Her other friends, Tammie, Jake, Courtney and Holly all had something important to do this year even though they hadn’t gone to college this year either.
    Tammie was currently waitressing at a fantastic Asian restaurant, Courtney was at tafe studying something, again Jake was also at tafe and Holly was working and taking classes before she too would be leaving for college.

    Therefore Amy felt it was too hard to discuss her worries with her friends. It was especially harder to talk about with her other friends Natalie and Francesca who had both taken a year out from college but were indeed studying this year at college as they were a year ahead of Amy.
    There was just no way she could confess to her friends about her fears of college, her lack of commitment this year or about the whole going to college plan.
    This subject seemed to weigh down in Amy’s stomach and she felt ill about not being able to express these thoughts to her friends. Would they understand her?

    Amy also began to worry about how her parents would react to her lack of dedication to continue on with her vision of what she wanted to become. They had been so supportive when she first decided she wanted to sing, they had even bought her lessons and built a studio in their house so that she would have full resources to all she needed to achieve this life aspiration.
    It was now clear to Amy that she had failed in her attempts so far and so she made a decision on the 10th of August that she would begin again and so she did.
    It started flooding into her memory so quickly she was writing so fast, all these thoughts and emotions down on paper which she would reread later and start to form songs on which she can then start to practice.

    Words kept flooding through her mind and before she knew it, it was 9 pm and she decided to stop writing. She had written about ten pages and felt that this was enough. She would analyse and single out words tomorrow to start shaping her song words. This rush of inspiration gave Amy such a lift that she was unable to sleep that night and got up at 3am to commence to pick apart the lists of prose and form them into sentences.

    The next morning Amy decided to ring her friend penny and tell of her miraculous new brainwave. She began to well up inside like a balloon full of air; she had not felt this secure for a long time. penny was just as ecstatic for Amy as she had also found a new idea to her own latest crisis; penny had decided to design some clothes for the shop were she worked and they were so appreciative that they actually paid her for her work and recognised that she was the one that had designed the new line.

    Everything seemed to be falling in place for Amy and all her friends and it was a cold day in October that her friend Courtney rang up and announced that she was getting married to her new beau Shane, whom also went to tafe with her. They had decided they would marry in June next year in Hawaii and all of her friends were invited.
    This news was such a relief from the news that had come just before August when Jake had been hit by a car and had had his leg shattered by the fall. Jake however was now much better and his cast was to be getting removed that week in October.

    It was also coming up to Francesca’s 21st birthday. They were all going out to party with her at the latest club in town; Seaside among other places.
    Amy found the perfect clubbing top at Pure Tops, she also felt on top of the world as her latest song writing piece was becoming an actual song and was to be given airplay on the local radio station next month. Things had definitely changed since August and it was all for good.

    When Francesca’s birthday night arrived all the girls and Jake, Shane and Owen (that’s Penny’s new guy) were escorted into a very luxurious stretch limousine.
    Black on the inside and heaps of room to move, and it had a sunroof!
    The evening was rapidly approaching an end when they made their way to the final club of the night. Sunset.
    Amy and Natalie were just about sobered up when the limo stopped and they all clambered out of it. It was a fantastic club to end the night at. There was three levels and so many smaller rooms with different music in each and each had a bar and dance floor.

    It was in the rock room that Amy fell over and almost broke her ankle; however she was caught by a very attractive young guy. Amy apologised and he asked if he could buy her a drink. She thought about all she had been told when out clubbing but considered that her friends were there (10 metres away) and they wouldn’t let anything happen; which she felt grateful for. After ordering her drink from the barman she sat on the nobly stool beside the hot guy and she found out that he was only a month older than herself and that he lived in town. The night went on and it was morning and they were all on their way home but not before Amy had written her number on the hot guy’s hand.

    All of the friends decided to crash at Courtney and Shane’s house. That day when they all woke with huge hangovers it was Amy, Jake, Penny and Tammie that decided to drive down and grab some fish & chips for a late lunch. Penny suggested that they walk down as it was only a 5 minute walk to the nearest fish & chip shop as well as the supermarket and various other shops along the strip as well. After the four had placed their order they strolled up to the supermarket, however before they got there Amy suddenly stopped she had seen a familiar face in the bakery window. She told the others that she would catch them back at the fish and chip shop and she walked into the bakery.

    The door tinkled as she walked into the bakery and the hot guy from the club smiled back at her from behind the counter. He still had part of her number smudged on his hand and this made Amy giggle to herself. Half an hour had passed before she realised that she had to get back and this time it was the hot guy that gave his number and with it his name, Dean.
    As she turned to say goodbye she tripped on the mat and Dean raced over just in time to catch her before she fell. He commented that he just seems to keep saving her, (That was twice now) and he was obviously keeping count.



    When Amy returned to the fish & chip shop her friends were still there, they had seen her talking to dean and had just left her to it; which she was again pleased about
    And it was all anyone was talking about when they got back to Courtney and Shane’s house. This discussion continued all the way through lunch and it wasn’t until holly started showing pictures of the previous night did everyone give their full attention.
    This gave Amy some time to just sit and dream about when she would next see Dean.

    The next week flew by and it was sad for Amy and the others to say goodbye to Francesca and Natalie as they had to go back to college now that the holidays were over. Also Jake and Courtney were due back at tafe and holly had to go back to the city for her special financial classes. However this break from everyone gave Amy the time for her own dream to come to fruition again. This was the week that her song was to get airplay and it did on the Wednesday; it was called ‘Heroes Are’ and was sung by Amy.
    That night everyone was calling to congratulate her but this was only one song she needed to keep going to get real recognition in the biz. It was Tammie who rang first as she heard it while on her lunch break, then everyone else followed in procession, Courtney, Penny, Holly, Natalie, Francesca and Jake but the most unexpected call was at 10 pm that night and it was Dean, he too had heard Amy’s song on the radio and was asking her out for a congratulatory drink.

    Amy hadn’t expected this and had therefore turned him down before she knew what she had said. It was a few minutes after she had shut her cell phone that it occurred to her and she scrambled around in her bag for the piece of paper with his number, but alas it couldn’t be found so she decided that she must tear apart her room looking for it. It still wasn’t found though and she became distraught; what if he never wanted to talk to her again?
    She decided to call Natalie and explain ;Natalie just laughed before calming Amy down and saying that she thinks she knows some of dean’s friends (their at college) and she might be able to find out if he really likes her.
    So Amy begrudgingly agreed and then become conscious that she needed to focus on her next song not on some guy she just met. So again the song words began to pour out and another hit was in the making.

    It was the weekend before the big concert that the group had decided to go see (The Hillz and Thrillz)before Amy heard from Natalie again. the news was mildly good she told Amy that he did like her but at the moment just as friends; which at these words created a giant whole in Amy’s stomach, yet she didn’t know why. She took the news fine and felt that it was a relief not to have to be hooked up, (I mean she had loads to worry about already) but the ache in her stomach didn’t pass. She decided not to tell Natalie about this as she had told her she was ok with the outcome and decided instead to consult Penny. Penny was always able to break down Amy’s problems and reassure her.

    When Amy confided in penny however, it became clear that she liked Dean more than friends and that she felt lost as well as empty knowing they were ‘just friends’.
    She had even somehow unconsciously taken parts of his structure and added them to her latest song. “He stood there all muscle bound waiting to get the answer….”
    Amy felt even worse about this and she couldn’t erase it from the song because it fitted so well and her manager already had a copy to give to the other music executives that would get her more airplay.
    Her second song; ‘Relationship Overload’ was again another success on the radio and there was talk that she would soon be producing a full album. This news thrilled her and she rang all her friends to tell them.

    The colossal day out was a great day full of music the only disappointment for Amy was that everybody was at the concert; Courtney & Shane, Jake, Penny & Owen, Tammie & Dylan(new boyfriend), Holly, Natalie, Francesca, Dean, Ben, James, Jason and Trent.(these boys are Deans friends from college, they also became friends with Francesca and Natalie)so what had started out a good day for Amy made her miserable inside, she kept walking away whenever Dean went to speak to her and she did it so craftily that he didn’t realise she was isolating herself from him.
    The only one that noticed was Penny and she pulled Amy aside to see how she was coping.

    Penny was such a fantastic friend, (she had been there for everything, the previous break up from Eric, the whole school drama and other issues) Penny suggested that they leave early to try and work on Amy’s next song. Amy agreed and so informed the others that she was feeling unwell and drove home with Penny. When they reached penny’s new apartment they went upstairs and loaded their selves full of junk food that was in the cupboard before starting on the discussion of what Amy would do now that she couldn’t stop thinking of dean. She had to be able to get him off her mind or else it would become a slight obsession and she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on her singing.(that’s what had happened with Eric, Amy had spent weeks in her room crying over him and wrote really horrible songs about cheating among unmentionable things)

    It was eventually decided that Amy would go and stay at Natalie’s house in the city for a few weeks so that the album could be written with no songs full of lust and crushes. No one wanted to hear songs like that especially since her other songs were not in that style. She wrote girly songs however there was always a girl power or independence about them and she never fell to the love emotions in her songs which made them instant hits. (They were different from the normal!)

    As soon as she was moved in it felt like a breath of fresh air. She had no more worries and she was able to rehearse and record versions of her songs during the day when Natalie was at college. The cd release date was now fast approaching and Amy only had to oversee the artwork for the front before it would be ready. She drove back to town and into the recording studio to meet the graphics designer. The graphics designer turned out to be Jason Swanston; Dean’s friend that was studying at Frostlake College, he had also attended the same school as Amy so she knew him quite well.
    After discovering that he was designing her album cover she felt relieved that she knew him as he was a brilliant designer but she began to worry that he would ask why she had fled the concert early and why she hadn’t gone out with the group for the last few weeks.

    However, Jason never asked her any of these questions. Maybe it was all in her head. After all she was quite busy these days (everyone was) and she did make her exit from the concert so inconspicuous. Jason probably didn’t even know about any of it. I mean its not like guys tell each other everything! Right?
    Amy quickly shook all the uncertainty to the back of her mind and concentrated on the design of her cd cover.

    It was fantastic; Jason had done a wonderful job she thought as she drove back to Natalie’s that night. The album would be released Thursday week and Amy couldn’t be any happier until Wednesday night when she received a phone call. A phone call that would change her life and everything in it.

    As she looked at the number, she remembered seeing it somewhere but it still didn’t come back to her; so she answered.
    Hello? She said cautiously then she recognised the voice that answered back.
    It was dean. Before Amy could form a proper sentence, dean spoke (Amy had forgotten how deep his voice was and it made her weak at the knees again) he told Amy that he had been hiding his true feelings for her because he was confused and he had just gotten out of a bad relationship, so he didn’t want to make the same mistake. It had only been that night when he had heard her song playing on the radio that he knew he had to be with her.
    Amy lay awake in bed for hours later thinking about his phone call. She had not expected this and almost given up on dean and the feelings she felt for him. Now she had to re evaluate all of these things. Did she still like him(Yes he did make her light headed when he was around and his big bulging biceps made her weak at the knees too.) however it had been a whole month since she had seen him last. Amy couldn’t decide if she wanted more though. Eventually she decided it was time to speak to penny.
    She dialled and Penny answered on the third ring, she was ecstatic when Amy had finished recalling the previous night’s phone call. However Penny could sense that something was troubling Amy; so she asked her quite simply. Penny was always able to read Amy’s thoughts and it was a good thing too because she had helped her countless times throughout the years. Penny persuaded Amy to go out with Dean especially since it was most likely that Amy just felt distant with him as she hadn’t seen him for so long; all the feelings would come back to her when she saw him in person again. This seemed rational to Amy and she realised that she must be thinking and worrying about seeing him after all this time apart).


    So Amy called Dean that day and announced that she would go out to dinner at Rodolfo’s that evening with him. The evening was a fantastic one; he looked radiant standing there in his blue jeans and black dress shirt (the top two buttons undone; so hot! Amy thought to herself) Amy had chosen to wear her new slinky black dress, it was formal but not to the point of looking out of place.

    They discussed many topics that night, life aspirations, likenesses, Music, friends and Art just to name a few things. Once they had finished there dessert they went a movie at the Jacob’s complex near the shopping mall. It turned out to be a good film and Amy had started to believe that it was only to really work out between the two of them after all they ere so alike and she was finding him so attractive again.
    They pulled up at Courtney’s place ( Amy had decided to stay there that night rather than head home to the city) dean stopped the car and leaned into to kiss Amy good night which lasted quite a while before they both pulled away with the same blank expression on their faces.
    There had been no spark there, they kissed again but nothing; this was a sign that they were not to be together. It seemed upsetting for a second but Amy realised it wasn’t meant to be. They decided to stay friends, after all it wouldn’t be awkward as neither had feelings for the other.

    When Amy got up the next morning, it was Courtney that felt disheartened more so that they were not going to go out; after all she thought it seemed such a perfect connection between the two also as it was one of Shane’s friends. This mood of Courtney’s quickly changed however when she told Amy about this guy in her Music class, he had just started the course and he played the guitar perfectly. This made Amy laugh; she was already being set up with someone else the day after realising Dean wasn’t the one.

    Apparently the guitarist’s name was Noah, and when Amy came to visit Courtney at Tafe, she saw that he was quite attractive, he had his fringe slightly over his left eye and he had such a guitarist’s stance.(Amy loved Musicians too after all she was one)
    Noah happened to notice Amy looking at him and decided to go over to this pretty girl and introduce himself.
    Amy started to blush as she saw Noah approaching, however she got her composure back just in time. (Noah was so much hotter up close and he made Amy laugh at the drop of a hat) they soon became good friends and started hanging out every other week that Amy didn’t have to record and that didn’t clash with Noah’s gigs.
    It was a late night out when the whole group went out and got quite smashed. Amy and Noah were walking back to the house they were all sharing for the night when he leaned in and kissed Amy, she began to kiss back then he asked her out. Amy wanted to say yes but something held her back from saying it and she said she would have to think about it. Although her head was spinning from all the tequila shots she knew she had grown to really like Noah and she had not felt like this towards any of the other guys she had dated. There was only one solution; she had to find out what Penny thought. Unfortunately Penny was far too gone and had passed out on the walk back so she then turned to Francesca for help with her problem. Francesca was also a good listener. Francesca believed that she should do what she thought was right, not get pressured into anything. (But Amy didn’t know what she wanted!)
    She felt so confused and so by the time she decided to say yes, Noah had moved on.

    Amy suddenly realised what a mistake she had made, she had driven away the one that had loved her without meaning to and she couldn’t see any way of getting them back. Maybe if she hadn’t been so obsessed with what if’s she would have realised that he was the perfect one for her. No one else had been interested in Amy like that before except for Eric but she didn’t like Eric like she did Noah. As she choked back the tears she could only blame herself for what had occurred and her whole world seemed to start crashing down upon itself. First this news then Shane’s death, not to mention the past feelings of lust for Dean re emerging and her family were beginning to get sick of her lack of commitment to her music , even though she had gotten quite far, they still believed she hadn’t done enough; she should have had this section of her career complete by now. They also believed that she didn’t have time for a boyfriend and this ache of recalling the memory burned fresh into her mind and she couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They began to flood her vision and seemed like endless tears how could she be so stupid?

    With everything in her life collapsing she couldn’t see a way out or a solution all she could do was just sit and watch it all fall with her in the middle. This was all too much for Amy to handle alone and so she scrambled through her phone for Penny’s number. Penny could at least calm her down if not present a solution to Amy’s disaster that was her life. However Penny never gave a solution because she didn’t answer her phone, where was she? She always picked up her phone no matter who it was. It was pretty much glued to Penny’s hand for all eternity. Yet she hadn’t answered this time. Was it that she had had enough of Amy’s personal life disasters?


    Amy couldn’t breath, all these thoughts get drowning her inside and each time stabbing away at her and all she could do was cry the tears that kept flowing and let her inner self know that it was all her fault. She deserved this punishment and it needed to eat away at her till she made sense that she did it.

    As the days flew by Amy sat in her room whilst still wet with tears and cold with the thought of her life disappearing once and for all. She had locked the door and her phone was switched off so that no one would know she was hurting inside. Her friends had put up with her for too long and she was finally giving them the space they needed or so she thought. This was the best idea she thought shutting herself out from the world.

    Finally a week later Amy’s friends realised that something was horribly wrong, she had told them that she was going away for a while up north to visit grandparents however she hadn’t arrived. Where was she and what had she been doing? No one had heard from her and her phone seemed to be turned off. Penny was delegated the role of going to her apartment to check and see if there was any sign of where she might have headed. However when she arrived at the apartment the door wasn’t locked, which was quite strange and so she ventured further till she reached Amy’s bedroom. The door was locked but Penny could see something through the key hole and being an expert locksmith was able to pry the door open in a second. She rushed towards Amy who seemed unconscious, there was some pills lying next to her body. What had she taken? The bottle read , Penny quickly dialled an ambulance, Amy was still breathing thank goodness and the ambulance was there in a heartbeat.


    When Amy awoke she was a little drowsy and disoriented, where was she? This wasn’t her room; she couldn’t really remember much but she figured out that someone must have brought her here; wherever here is.

    As Amy opened her eyes Penny rushed into the room, tears streaming down her face. She told Amy that she had found her and told everyone what had happened; which wasn’t comforting for Amy because it meant that Noah would eventually find out if he didn’t already know. It wasn’t because of him that she tried to overdose herself but it would probably seem that way. The doctor came in and told Amy that she would have to go to some counselling sessions and that due to the damage now on her body she would not be able to have children. This was quite a shock but Amy hadn’t really ever thought of kids; after all she was only just an adult herself.