- The flush of the overwhelming cold was too much for me to bear. My boyfriend had broken up with me and didn't bother to drive me home. The feeling inside of me was so heavy and weighing upon my shoulders. It was the dead of winter, very rarely wold you see the average kid playing games on the street. As I turned the corner onto North Wellington Lane, i saw a figure ahead of me. It stood perfectly still, as if in a daze. Uncommon in the figure's ways, every now and then i would see the occasional shiver of the figure's body. I went up behind it and touched it's shoulder. As if in shock the figure turned and looked my way. I gasped now seeing the details in the thing I now layed my eyes upon. Backing away, I saw the eyesockets where the eyes should have been with beatles crawling out.
- Title: Darkness
- Artist: bunnytux
- Description:
- Date: 12/07/2008
- Tags: darkness
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Comments (3 Comments)
- PuNkRoCkPrInCeSs30 - 12/25/2008
- Nice story she is right about the whole thing of why she touched a strange object but other than that it was AWESOME! And i have a sstory called Darkness....you should read it sometime
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- appleslice1340 - 12/08/2008
- All in all, a wonderful start!
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- appleslice1340 - 12/08/2008
- Wow, that was different. Some constructive criticism: 1. It's a bit short. What is she thinking when she sees this character? It's a bit unnattural for someone to see a scary thing and go up and touch it, unless you tell us that the character has never been afraid of anything. Also, what exactly does the character think, feel? Give us more description. 2. You use the word figure quite a lot. Trying switching it up, use some different words, some that sound a bit sinister, to foreshadow.
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