• Chapter one
    "I am sticks and you are stones"




    I could feel that emptyness in my stomache.... i havent eaten all week and it still hurts, Brian says that I look like a skeliton. My long golden curls have became unhealthy...my teeth, Ugh dont get me started on them and worsed of all... my face, I looked like a young Ashley simpson and now im a janet jackson! what the hell has gone wrong!

    Jess.


    I slid the red journel back into the shelf lying back on my soft cushins deep in thought, I could hear my mom and dad at the stove..oh how i craved for one of moms danishes...but i couldnt... there demons... little succubuses so to speak, I'd get fat and ugly... like my brother... ugh.
    I stumbled out of bed pushing myself up from the red carpet that held my body from the wooden floor i pushed my hair out of my pail face and sat up pushing back the door making it slam, i looked into the mirror at my reflection... a dark....ugly....stupid girl staring back at me, Why was i born so ugly? I have a great life, great parents, great friends, great boyfriend, Hell my brother isnt That-bad but then it comes to food, i cant eat any of it... maybe a couple of carrots and fruit every now and then but i couldnt.
    I opened the door yet again walking out downstairs i stared at my father, the tall 'Tony soprano' looking man, the big beer belly and barely any hair left and then my mom the slim brunnette with beutiful figures, i wished Oh how i WISHED i looked like her but i didnt, then there was my brother.... the short kid with the fat belly... i didnt mean to be mean to him but i couldnt help it. "Jessica, were making Turkey and salad...please eat with us..." my mom begged with pleading glowing eyes, my brother rolled his eyes going back to his turkey of course He didnt have any salad his body couldnt even take the protien, i sighed and shook my head "Mom im fine.." i lied, it was truly so that i was a nervouse wreck with barely any meat on my bones and oh how i wanted to just tell mom about how bad i felt but then it would end up in "Oh hunny! we have to make you some soup now!" or some crap like that.... even my 'Husband to be (someday)' tried to stuff me with fat everyday.





    Chapter two

    "Brian (a.k.a) Bubby"



    The next day was as perfect as God could ever make it. the sun beamed into my room making a shilluette on my face i sighed streaching, hearing my bones crack i turned and jumped out of bed walking downstairs, making myself a fruit salad Apples, strawberries, and melons (somthing i didnt have hehe) I sat on the stool chewing quickly it felt Soooo good to finnally eat again! a stream of relief poured through my weak bones as i felt a shiver go down my spine, i finished it off and stood up picking out my books and reached for the knob of the door, i quickly turned it and sprinted out my bag hung on my back as i ran feeling it hit against my spine.
    When i got to school i saw all of the girls pour into the high school, Being a sophmore i didnt have many friends in the 'juniors and senior' groupe they would just ignore me... I opened my locker looking around and settled my stuff in the locker, I felt a gentle kiss being placed on my bare neck i sighed and turned around Brian looked at me with a wide grin, "Hey Jess-ka." he crooned softly I felt a weak smile spread across my face i giggled "hi Bubby." I sang carressing his cheek, He was handsome, Like one of those boys you see on the ambocromian(sp?) fitch type handsome the long curls that wrapped along his cheek bones and the Hazel eyes you could just stare at all day i was lucky enough to have him....He smiled wider as he saw the blush that strung on my cheeks and turned his back on the locker staring at my thin body "Jess, really...you have to eat sometime.. im really really worried." he said with his 'puppy dog' eyes (which was his trademark...) I stared at him as if he were stupid "I can eat if i want to..." i said stubbornly he rubbed my neck sighing i could see he was upset... his eye brows narrowed into a confused/frustration type and looked back at me then it dissapeared he leaned in placing kisses on my neck/cheek/forhead then let go hearing the beep of the bell, he rubbed my cheek and turned "see you at lunch..." he mummbled loud enough for me to hear... i nodded and turned.
    Class was a total fail, Mr.Barker was as boring as ever... i couldnt stand one hour of this crap his eyes were beedy and his lips like a fish, he reminded me of my dad.... only a little bit though, i laid back in the red chair rubbing my stomache as it growled i closed my eyes and listened to his blabber mouthing. I couldnt stand it! The bell rang, 2nd period.... I stood up and stormed out running into the bathroom, i took out another pad and sat down on the toilet after changing it i stormed out yet again Paul and shawn stood near my lockers...what total douches they were. Shawn was my ex-boyfriend a tall beedy eyed loser who didnt know what the hell E=mc2 was... Well im not saying i know it....but he's like a grade Ahead of Me! And paul...dont get me started, his face was like pimple paradice puss everywere and those large ugly eyes....Ugh! They stared at me, Shawn giving me the "I hate you" glare...and Paul..well paul was looking else were, (if you know what i mean...)
    I flipped my hair back and turned walking away Brian stood near the class door holding it open for people, i walked up to him and leaned in kissing his soft red cheeks and held his hand. His eyes wandered else were for half of the class his hand still locked on mine though either that or his arm was wrapped around my thin waist grabbing at my skin trying to find what was left, I sighed rubbing his soft large hand the teacher eyeing us every now-and-then giving us a small glare then went on teaching Sharon stared pushing up her shades to her eyes, that girl.....That that...THING! staring at me with those disturbing brown eyes, i looked back at her narrowing my thin eyebrows, befor i knew it class was over...spending half of the class being grabbed at by brian and being watched by that....idiot! Didnt make anything better, brian stood up holding me close and we both walked to lunch. He sat me down and slid next to me, we sat near four other people, Ron a tall blonde with the longest face, whenever he smiled his nose would wrinkle and his eyes would squint i could tell he kind of liked me because it showed in many ways, but since brian was a bit protective Ron and brian would have 'Talks', then there was Susan a bipolar/skitzofrenic(sp?) maniac but still...she was nice, pretty too, she was short not to short but just a bit short, her eyes were a nice green color and her cheek bones were smooth yea but her personalaty....that is just plain crazy....and its hard to believe that im her best friend.
    Susan looked up at me with her small dimpled grin "Hey B. and j." she said happily...the voices must havent of came today.... she stared at my bewildered look with confusion, and then i started to laugh she started laughing with me even if she had no clue what the hell i was laughing about, brian wrapped his long arm around my shoulder pulling out a small candy bar from his pocket he slowly pulled it open and pulled open my mouth, i looked up at him and he broke off a piece shoving it in my mouth my eyes took a wide look and quickly swallowed it i gritted my teeth and turned storming off.




    Chapter three

    "Never had the sex talk befor...."


    So after that...i didnt really talk to brian for a while, he text me like four times apologizing and explaining himself but i brushed it off for a while, then started feeling lonley and then called him.
    The word 'sex' never came to mind when he came over, he never asked for it...but somtimes i would ask him about if he'd like to and he just nodded bashfully rubbing his chin and looking away.
    "So...." he said trying to bring up a conversation again and i answered "yea..." Stupid! He pushed himself closer to me wrapping a hand around my shoulder and smiled at me his cheeks rosy as ever still as handsome too... I could feel what he wanted to do...mostly by the way his hands brushed against the crotch of his pants every minute and what was happening in there....i dont know.... i dont really Want to know but i might find out. "Hey..bubby?" i said softly patting his shoulder "Y-yea?" he mummbled
    "Have you ever..." i paused
    "what have i ever what?"
    "i mean do you...."
    "do i what Jess?"
    "well....s-"
    He stared at me for a while trying to think out what i was trying to say....he didnt get it, "I dont know what the hell your talkin' bout if you mummble..." i sighed in frustration "Doyouwanttohavesex?" i said quickly i couldnt even make it into a sentance so i made it into a word. He stared at me long and hard his cheeks red "well...doesnt any boy my age?" he finnally said "i mean...sure...but i dont think...i have...you know..." his face went red "H-how about..tommarow...i mean i dont have soccer... practice, and i can stop by the store to get hummmhhummmhhmm" he mummbled the last part but i knew what he ment.
    We didnt talk for over an hour just going over our notes, he'd look at me every now and then but that was it. I could feel the tension everywere his eyes, his face, and the drool that dribbled down his lip every now and then, Pretty gross if you ask me. "so....uh..." he finnally croaked out of his wide gaped mouth I stared at him for a little and then smiled he jumped a bit but still smiled. He decided to leave about two hours later of the whole "duuuhh..." look, i heard my brother let out a loud scream and jumped up. But brian had already Zoomed out the door, i sighed laying back