Love for a century...

• Artist: Kira_justice57
• Description: Well, I came up with this story just today, I'm just going to make the first chapter for this, and if I get superb comments about this chapter, I may continue it... So please take the time to read and comment this. -^__^-
• Date: 09/03/2008
• Tags: love century

Prologue

A century ago, there were two kids, one a girl and one a boy. They both were good friends, but everything changed when the accident came.
The female named Shikuro, was running towards her best friend's house, but as soon as she arrived, his father came out and stabbed her with the cursed Katana. When she died, her spirit was sent straight to heaven, but the Katana gave her a split soul of good and evil, so she was accepted by neither God or Satan. All she had left to do was to just wait. Wait until someone could break her curse so she can pass on, or even become a human again.
Time passes, and so does the search of a chosen one to rid her of this wretched curse.

Chapter One

Akito Kanasoko was just your average half-breed vampire high school student. He is now an official orphan, and officially alone because his human parents were drain of their blood in one sitting.
His hair blew in the wind and revealed his bright red eyes that gave him a mysterious look. His hair was a radiant dark grey color, and shone in the sunlight. His beauty was radiant.
School in Kyoto, Japan had just officially went into summer break, and he had crushed ten girls' hearts in one sitting, a new record for him.
He walked towards the nearest graveyard in sight because it was his sanctuary. As he walked, he saw a lady with long hair, and wings in the distance and she stood next to a grave stone.
The female in the distance turned towards him with a shocked face, and vanished.
For some strange reason, Akito was longing to see her again, but he did not wait for her to reappear, he just walked away, hoping that she would be there tomorrow.

Comments

[-Deathly Destruction-]

Oh, christ- They do NOT have summer break in the Japanese school calendar!!! At the very least, if you *aren't* going to write about something you understand inside and out, at least for the love of all that is holy *do your research*. You're probably getting the brunt of my frustration right now, and I apologize, but I'm getting really annoyed at these stories based in Japan that are really all wrong.

[-Deathly Destruction-]

God, really, why can't people keep stories in their own spheres of experience or just create their own from scratch? These are not Japanese names you've used, I doubt you've ever really met someone from japan, and it would be an even greater stretch to think you've ever even been there. "But I want to go!" you say to me. Ahh, but my love, that's what they all say, and in the end, the desire is just that- an empty desire.
Change your premise.

[cha cha cha charmin]

It lacks a lot of description, and again, needs work. And, I didn't really get the prologue, because everybody pretty much has good and evil, so, I don't see where you were going with that. And everything sorta just flew by, and you really gave no mood or atomosphere either to what was goin on. All in all, it needs a lot of work.

[Sevi Rais]

This is an interesting idea. I like it! I like how your prologue is basic and right to the point. Perhaps you should include more detail in the event that occurred. Also, her father stabbing her with a cursed knife doesn't sound like an accident. hehe. I would also like to see a more detailed description of the boy's environment and the dialog he uses throughout the scene. You have a good idea where you want your story to go but a more detailed description would help! Thanks!

[Riku9Angel]

AWESOME!!!!
lol <3