-
one more minute till we say
good bye
one more second for me to
cry
one more hour to talk on the
phone
one more step to make it
home
i noticed that its always you who is breakn my
heart
just that one more hope not to go to the movies today
yes,yes i herd that your dien to see me and that you really want me to forgive yo
well one more chain in the cycle
one more hope to get of here
one more song to
sing
one more time to say good
bye
- by PhoenixZeva |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/28/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: One More Step
- Artist: PhoenixZeva
- Description: i was [playing guitar when i wrote a song i got upset soo i just posted it on here XD
- Date: 11/28/2008
- Tags: guitar picks
- Report Post
Comments (7 Comments)
- xLiesxOfxThexMirrorx - 02/10/2009
- I like it, but you need to, as Zweit pointed out, use less 'plastic' words. Add some more flavor to it, maybe even a few oxymorons.
- Report As Spam
- little Subaru - 01/06/2009
- nice job
- Report As Spam
- Zweit - 01/03/2009
-
Really, this isn't anything special. I don't mean to bash you as a song writer, but the words are rather plastic. Cookie cutter, if you will. Reading it over gives me no sense that you really and truly feel this way.
On a lighter note, wrong section. This goes in poems and lyrics. - Report As Spam
- bees and knees - 12/29/2008
- ...good, but use real words, please.
- Report As Spam
- XDZenLeeDX - 12/04/2008
- perty cool tho wrong forum or w/e 5/5
- Report As Spam
- FlashFire Phoenix - 12/04/2008
- you should've posted it on poems.. lol i was hoping for a story..
- Report As Spam
- nickycat123 - 12/04/2008
- i like it
- Report As Spam
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